


I'll prove you wrong.

by Iamsodunwithmylife



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Basketball!Tyler, College AU, Coming Out, Depression, F/M, First Kiss, First Love, First Time, Fluff, Gay Sex, Get Together, High School AU, Hurt/Comfort, Josh is in High School, M/M, Meeting, Self Harm, Smut, Smut and Fluff, Top!Tyler, Tyler is 20, Tyler is in College, Underage Sex, bottom!josh, coffee shop AU, depressed!Josh, josh is 17
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2018-11-09 09:00:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 27,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11101251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iamsodunwithmylife/pseuds/Iamsodunwithmylife
Summary: Tyler was wondering how the most perfect boy he had ever laid eyes on, could look so lost in this world......





	1. Coffee, Smiles and Phone Numbers

**Author's Note:**

> Tyler's pov

When Tyler walked down the street on his way to the coffee shop, he didn't think that this day would change his life forever.  
He visited the little coffee shop every morning before class. Usually he ordered a black coffee, sat down by the window and watched the street for half an hour or so, before he had to go to his first class of the day.

When he stepped in, everything seemed normal: The same barista as every morning waiting behind the counter, the same few people in line, the same smell of freshly brewed coffee.   
Only when he was waiting for his coffee and looking around the shop, was when he noticed what was different today. A boy, he didn't seem older than 18 from what Tyler could tell, was sitting at the table he usually occupied. Tyler couldn't see the boy very well as he was wearing a hood over his head and had his face in his hands. The only thing Tyler noticed was the blue hair sticking out from under his hood.

"Sir? Hello?", the voice startled Tyler and he turned around from staring at the boy to an annoyed looking Barista.

"Sorry....", Tyler grabbed his coffee and realized he didn't know where to sit, because his table was the one, the blue haired boy was sitting at. After a few moments of contemplating what to do, Tyler decided that there were enough seats at the table, he could just go and ask the boy if he could sit down with him. And no, it wasn't because he wanted to know how the boys face looked like, he just didn't like change!

He made his way over to the table until he stood directly in front of the boy, who still hadn't noticed him, due to having his eyes covered by his palms.

"Um...hello?", the boys head flew up and he looked at Tyler with wide eyes, which Tyler couldn't help but notice were breathtakingly beautiful.  
When the boy was still silently staring at the older one, Tyler just continued.

"I was wondering if I could sit down with you, as this is where I usually sit?"

"Oh, um of course! I- I-", the younger boy started to stand up, when Tyler stopped him.

"No! You don't have to leave, I'd love some company! And you were sitting here first anyway.", Tyler shot the blue haired boy a smile and sat down, the younger one doing the same.

An uncomfortable silence followed and lasted a few minutes, before Tyler turned his head to look at the boy again.  
The younger one was staring at the table, the sun highlighting his freckled cheeks and nose and reflecting on his lip ring. Tyler will deny it, if you ask him, but that was the moment he fell in love with the other boy.   
As if he had felt Tyler staring at him, the boy met his gaze and blushed slightly.

"I'm Tyler.", he heard himself say, before noticing how stupid that sounded.

"Uh, cool. My name's Josh.", the younger boys voice was barely more than a whisper and hoarse, like he had been crying the whole night. Tyler wondered how the most perfect boy he had ever laid eyes on, could look so lost in this world.

"I like that name, it fits you.....So, do you still go to school? Because I have never seen you at my college."

"Yeah, I'm a senior."

"So let me guess...you are 17? 18?", Tyler was really happy he was so confident and for him, making conversation with strangers wasn't really hard.

"17....and you?", Josh on the other hand seemed like he could black out at any moment from how nervous he appeared to be.

"I just turned 20 in December.", Tyler was hoping that by the end of this conversation Josh had opened up a little more and Tyler could leave with his number saved in his phone, "How come you aren't in school right now?"

"I, um I...I didn't feel like it today", the blue haired boys cheeks were on fire now.

"That's okay, I mean I don't feel like going to class most days", Tyler chuckled and he could swear he saw a smile ghosting over Josh's face.  
"What do you do when you aren't in school or ditching class at a coffee shop?"

"I play the drums"

"That's so cool. I play basketball for my college team, but music is so much cooler than just running after a ball and throwing it around.", that earned him a shy smile from the younger boy, "Any bands you like?"

The boy thought for a few moments before looking up at Tyler again.  
"My favorites have to be Blink and Green Day. I know, lame..."

"That isn't lame at all, Josh! I love those bands! I even had the whole Green Day Discography, before my ex-boyfriend decided to steal half of it when moving out...", at the word 'boyfriend' and how easy it glided over Tyler's tongue, Josh's eyes widened.

"Boy-, Boyfriend?", the younger boy blushed for the what felt like hundredth time since he met Tyler.

"Yeah, he was a total dick, but love is blind I guess", Tyler laughed, not having noticed how perplexed and slightly terrified Josh looked at him, but when he noticed, he immediately stopped laughing and was concerned for what stupid thing he had said to upset the boy, "Oh my god, I'm sorry, have I said anything wrong?"

"No, I-...um, you...you are gay?" 

"As gay as it gets! Why? Anything wrong with that?", he looked at Josh, who was blushing even harder now.

"No! Totally not! That's so cool!", Tyler was a little surprised on how excited the younger boy suddenly sounded.

"What about you?", Josh began fiddling with his hands on the table and Tyler thought he may had hit a weak spot, " You don't have to tell me, I mean, it really shouldn't concern me."

"It's okay, I-..I'm gay", Tyler couldn't help but feel slightly shocked when he saw tears in Josh's eyes.

He reached over the table and laid his hand on the blue haired boys ones to calm him.   
"Is everything okay? Did I upset you?"

Josh looked up again, a small smile on his lips.  
"No, I just have never said it out loud before and it feels really good to say it. I-I'm sorry, you are just a stranger and I probably annoy you..."

"You could never annoy me! I know how you feel and I'm really happy that you told me, saying it out loud for the first time is a big deal!", Josh's eyes met his again, tears running freely now, a big smile on his lips, all Tyler wanted to do was comfort the boy, "Can I give you a hug?"

"O-okay.", Josh didn't even have time to say anything else, before Tyler had stood up and engulfed him in a big hug, nearly lifting the slightly shorter boy off the ground.

After he had pulled away and both boys had sat down again, Tyler wanted to know more about the cute boy in front of him.  
"So I guess I'm the first one you told then? Makes me feel kinda special...", Tyler grinned and Josh nodded slowly.

"This is awkward, I'm sorry, I know it is stupid to tell something like that to a stranger you met 20 minutes ago...."

"Stop saying stuff like that! I get it, it is way easier to come out to someone you know has been through the same thing and won't judge you! I'm proud of you"

Josh smiled at him, "I guess....Thanks for being so cool about it."

"As I just said, no problem!", Tyler noticed that he had to leave if he wanted to get to class on time and cursed himself for not being able to ditch that class, because he had a test in a few weeks, "I have to leave in a few minutes, would you like to give me your phone number? So that I will be able to see your cute face again?"

Josh face went from a slight pink to a full blown crimson when Tyler called him cute and couldn't do more than nod.

"Great!", Tyler handed him his phone and Josh saved his number, "Shit, I really have to go now! I'll call you!".  
And with these words Tyler left and Josh couldn't help but smile at himself. Who would've thought that by just ditching school and grabbing a coffee, this could turn from being one of the worst, to being the best day he had in a while?


	2. Doing a lot of things for the first time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Josh's pov

Josh hadn't heard from Tyler until a few hours later, when he was laying in his bed, staring at the ceiling. He heard his phone vibrating next to him and picked it up. He had two new messages:

from Tyler:

Hey, it's me, Tyler! Now you have my number as well :)

from Hayley:

Where were you today? I had to do our presentation on my own!?

He sighed at Hayley's text and chose not to reply, he didn't really feel like having contact with someone other than Tyler today anyways.  
Tyler's text on the other hand made him crack a smile, he didn't know he was capable of smiling so big. He hadn't smiled in a long time other than when he met Tyler a few hours earlier.

to Tyler:

Hi ;)

Right after he had pressed 'send' he regretted putting a winky face. 'Would Tyler interpret that in a wrong way? Was that weird? Tyler probably doesn't even like him!'  
His thoughts were silenced by another notification. Only that it wasn't a notification but an incoming call from no other than Tyler. Josh panicked, he hated phone calls. He answered it anyway.

"Hey, its Tyler!"  
"I know. Why are you calling?", did he sound rude?  
"I promised I'd call you, remember? And I wanted to ask if you wanted to grab some Taco Bell and maybe play some video games at my house tomorrow?"  
"Uh yeah sounds good", that actually made Josh do a little happy dance in his bedroom.  
"Great! I'll send you the time and my address. See you tomorrow!"  
"Bye"

Josh couldn't believe that just happened. A really hot guy he just met asked him on a date! But was it a date? Or not? Tyler didn't call it a date. But it sure feels like one. Josh Dun is going on his first date, with a hot guy. That's a lot to process.

\---

 

The next day Josh went to school again, he felt a little bit better than yesterday and even though he wouldn't admit it, the only reason for that was Tyler. 

When he arrived at the gate of his school, he was greeted by Hayley and she did not look very happy.

"Josh?! Where were you yesterday? You can't just fucking leave me alone when we have a project due!", his best friend was even angrier than he expected her to be.

"Look, Im so sorry. I just felt really bad yesterday and going to school was the last thing I wanted to do...", Josh felt really guilty, he hated himself for not being able to deal with his life on some days.

Hayley sighed,"It's okay. You just should've at least sent me a text. Let's go inside and find Brendon, he nearly drove me crazy yesterday!"

When they arrived at Brendon's locker, he was talking to his girlfriend, Sarah.

"Hey guys! Josh! I missed you yesterday."

"Hey Brendon, hey Sarah! I uh, I just wasn't feeling well", Josh was used to telling his friends that. I mean who would want to hear that he had cried himself to sleep the night before and then as a result had a headache and no will to go to school the next day? 

"So what were you up to then?", Brendon asked, curious as always.

Of course Josh would have to lie here as well, because he couldn't tell his friends 'I went to this coffee shop, contemplating if I should kill myself or not, but then I met this really hot guy and now I'm going on a date with him tonight...oh and by the way I'm gay!', "I just stayed in bed and watched Netflix". Brendon seemed satisfied and continued to ramble on some new movie he had seen.

The rest of the day went by pretty uneventful and much slower than the blue haired boy wanted it to go. He nearly squealed out of excitement when the last bell rang, signaling he could go home and get ready for his date (?) with Tyler.  
His friends were all a little weirded out by how many times they saw Josh smile to himself that day, because seeing him truly happy was a rare thing.

Josh practically ran home, because he still had to shower and talk his mum into letting him borrow her car to go to Tyler's house. He was extremely nervous, which only added to his speed and he reached his home in a few minutes.  
He entered his house, still trying to catch his breath, when he noticed his mother looking at him.

"Honey, what's got you so out of breath?"

"Hey mom. I'm just in a hurry, because a friend invited me to come over tonight and I still have to shower and get ready. By the way, could I borrow you car?", Josh prayed for his mother not to notice that he was lying.

"Of course you can borrow my car, I'm glad you go out again after sitting in your room for weeks now. What friend is it? Brendon?", she smiled at her son.

"Yeah, Brendon and a few others too. We just want to get Pizza and play some video games."

"I hope you have fun. Now go and get ready, you don't want to be late, do you?"

That was all he needed to turn around and rush up the stairs to his room. He quickly showered and got dressed in his favorite pair of black skinny jeans and a Green Day Shirt (totally not because Tyler said he liked the band) and a jacket on top to hide his scarred arms. Then he stood in front of his bathroom mirror styling his hair for way too long, when he noticed that he should've been out the door five minutes ago. He sprinted downstairs, grabbed his car keys and told his mom goodbye.

When he was in the car, he checked the address Tyler sent him again and began driving. He was all giddy from excitement and hoped that he would make it on time, so that his first date wouldn't start with him being late.  
He sang along to the radio and smiled at every pedestrian or driver that looked in his direction. He felt like he was floating and the date hadn't even started yet.

He arrived ten minutes late, because of an old lady that drove like she was already dead.  
The boy couldn't stand still as he waited for Tyler to open the door after he rang the bell, he felt like he could throw up from being so nervous.  
He must've been lost in his thoughts because he didn't notice that Tyler had opened the door until he began to speak.

"Hey, I thought you wouldn't come. I'm glad you could make it though.", he startled the younger boy who was now a deep red.

"Hi, Tyler. I'm sorry I'm late, but there was this old lady driving in front of me and compared to her a turtle is fast."

"Haha it's okay. You want to come in? I already got Taco Bell, I hope Chalupas are fine? And my family is home so don't be freaked out if you meet them , they are really nice and I can't afford to move out...", Josh had a slight inner panic attack, because he definitely wasn't ready to meet Tyler's family, I mean he did barely know him, so his family did seem a bit much, but he really didn't have any other choice than to nod and step into the house.

He got rid of his shoes and followed Tyler to the kitchen, where a bag of Taco Bell was waiting for them.

"You want to go to my room? It's in the basement, so it's rather large and it's where all my video games are. We can eat there.", Tyler suggested and smiled shyly at the other boy.

"Yeah, just lead the way."

Josh followed Tyler to his room where the older boy set the bag on a table and seated himself on his couch, motioning for Josh to do the same. The blue haired boy sat down next to Tyler, the small couch didn't leave much room between the two, not that he would want it to be any different. Tyler began unpacking the food and Josh couldn't help but stare at him. He just looked too cute, while concentrating on not spilling any of the food while placing it on plates.  
The boys began eating their Chalupas in a comfortable silence.

"So did you go to school today?", asked Tyler in between two bites and looked expectingly at Josh.

"I did. I kinda had to. My friend Hayley was already pissed at me for not going yesterday."

"Everybody has bad days, taking a day off should be a right for students."

"Totally. I mean how do they expect us to focus every day when sometimes life is just shitty?", Josh was surprised by how open he was around Tyler, but it felt like the two had known each other much longer than 1.5 days.

"Sadly college isn't any better....The only thing that gets better are the parties and that you look old enough to get into them.", the older boy chuckled and Josh smiled back at him,"You wanna play some Mario Kart now?".

Josh nodded and was glad that Tyler had changed the subject or else it would have been only a matter of time or he would've started drooling over the older boy and how incredibly cute he was.  
"I hope you are ready to get your ass beat!", he nudged Tyler with his elbow and they started to play.

Around two hours, a few Red Bulls and rounds of Mario Kart later, they were laying on Tyler's couch, laughing at a story the older boy was telling.

"....and then he just fell off the boat. It was hilarious!"

They stopped laughing and just looked at each other for a moment, before Josh tore his gaze away, blushing.

"Hey, Ty...Can I ask you something?"

"Only if I can ask you something as well."

Josh shot him a smile and nodded,"How does it feel to be out? Isn't it kinda scary to have everyone know about you?"

"I didn't think you'd ask me something that deep, but let me answer: it is scary, at least at first. But now it is just normal to me. If someone that doesn't know me asks if I have a girlfriend or whatever, I just tell them and most of the time they don't really care or have a positive reaction. Same with my friends and family when I came out to them, I was terrified. I mean I didn't think anyone would suspect that, because I was the typical straight high school jock, basketball captain, girlfriends, popular.", he sighed,"But when I told them, my family just laughed and told me they had known since forever and most of my friends and team mates were surprised, but supportive. Of course I got some mean comments and a few stares and whispers but all in all it was way better than I expected it to be."

"Hmm, that sounds really good. I wish I could be like you.", Josh sighed and looked at his lap.

"I think you are perfect, just the way you are. Coming Out takes time and you just said it out loud for the first time yesterday, so don't rush anything."

"You think I'm perfect?", Josh was turning a bright crimson. He had never been complimented like that.

"I do. I mean no one is perfect, but you are pretty close. Which leads me to my question.", Tyler had a look on his face that Josh couldn't really interpret.

"What is it?", asked the younger boy, staring at Tyler with wide eyes.

"Can I kiss you?"

Now that was not a question Josh did expect, but he couldn't stop himself from nodding frantically and whispering a 'please do'.

That was all that it took for Tyler to place his hand on Josh's cheek and lean in slowly. When their lips connected everything slowed down and all Josh could feel was Tyler's hand on his cheek and his lips, soft against his own. Josh decided that kissing Tyler could become his new favorite activity. The kiss was sweet and soft and over way too fast.

"Wow!", slipped out of the younger boys mouth and his blush deepened.

"Wow indeed. But I'm not opposed to another try....for science.", Tyler smirked and this time it was Josh that leaned in.

Their second kiss was very different. From the second Josh connected their lips and tangled his hands in Tyler's hair, it was filled with passion. Lips melting together like chcocolate ice cream on a warm summer day. When they parted, their eyes were filled with love and hope. The world suddenly seemed to be glowing and brighter. Like glitter had been dusted over everything their gazes could reach.

They sat on Tyler's couch and kissed some more, until Josh realized (he was not happy about it) that it was nearly midnight and he had to get up at 7am tomorrow to go to school.  
They walked up the stairs to the living room holding hands and to Josh it felt less like walking and more like floating. He never felt better in his life than with Tyler's hand in his and the brunet right next to him.  
He was startled out of his trance when they were met with some curious looks, coming from what Josh assumed had to be Tyler's family, seated in the living room.

"Hey guys", Tyler spoke up, smiling at his folks and hand still holding Josh's, "this is Josh."

The middle aged man, Tyler's dad, stood up and walked toward them. He looked Josh up and down before holding out his hand for him to shake, "Hello Josh, nice to meet you. I'm Tyler's dad, but you can call me Chris."

Josh smiled and shook his hand, "Nice to meet you too."

"Dad, don't scare him. Josh, this is my Mom, my brother Zack, my sister Madison and my brother Jay is already in bed."

His mom and his siblings all greeted Josh and after that the two made their way to the front door, holding hands once again.

"I hope my family didn't scare you away", Tyler chuckled and rubbed his neck nervously.

"No, they were really nice. It felt good to see how they are so supportive of you. Gives me hope."

"I had a really great time tonight.", Tyler smirked and leaned in again to peck Josh on his lips for one last time.

The younger one kissed back and blushed before he told Tyler goodnight and drove home.

You could say that this was the best night they had in a long time for both of them.  
You could also say that both of them fell asleep with smiles on their faces and the other one on their mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To anyone who reads this: Thank you and please know how much it means to me that you read this story <3 |-/


	3. Boyfriends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Josh's pov

The weekend came and Josh was surprised how easy it was to wake up at 8am on Saturday morning, even though (or maybe because?) he talked to Tyler on the phone until 2am and couldn't sleep until 4am, because he couldn't stop smiling and giggling to himself. Tyler made him the happiest he'd ever been.

Currently he was sitting at the kitchen table with his family, eating breakfast. It was a ritual that his mother started when the kids got older, because she still wanted to have some 'quality family time' at least once or twice a week. While his siblings and his parents were munching on their cereal and waffles, he thought it'd be the right time to ask if he could spend the day at a friend's (Tyler's) house.

"Mum, Dad, uh I have this project due on Monday and Hayley and I still have to work on it, would it be okay if I spent the day at hers? I probably won't be back until midnight or so..."

His mum eyed him suspiciously, but nodded, "Of course. You want to take my car again?"

"If I can? Thanks mum! Uh, I'll better get going, she said I should be there at 10..."

"Okay son, have fun and be productive", his dad gave him a smile and Josh took that as a signal to stand up and make his way out of the door and to the car.

 

\---

 

He arrived at Tyler's at exactly 10am, not too late like for their date (?), Josh still wasn't sure about that. I mean they had kissed and all, but during their phone call, neither of them had mentioned it.  
So you could say Josh was a little perplex when Tyler appeared in the doorway only wearing boxers and immediately pulled him in for a quick kiss. They pulled away and Josh couldn't help but blush and look at his feet.

"Hey, glad you could make it this early.", Tyler beamed at him.

"Hey, yeah. I'm glad as well."

"Come in and take a seat on the couch, I was just getting dressed as you could tell.", oh boy, how Josh could tell. Tyler had to cough twice before Josh had stopped staring at his V-Line and his tattoos and entered the house.

"Uh, sorry, I uh, I like your tattoos. They're sick."

"Most people find them weird, but they hold meaning to me."

"I think they suit you. Maybe I'll get a sleeve when I'm 18. Haven't decided on it yet."

"I think a sleeve would make you look even hotter", Tyler stated and leaned in to peck Josh on the lips, before turning around, "I'm just gonna go get dressed real quick", and with that he left Josh in the living room.

The younger boy was slightly confused by how Tyler definetely acted as if they were a couple, but were they? They'd have to talk about that later, but Josh wasn't sure if he'd be able to start the conversation. He was still so new to all of this and everything was happening so quickly. He liked it, but it was still a lot to process.

Tyler came sprinting up the stairs a few minutes later, dressed in skinny jeans and a tank top.

"You ready to go?", Josh wondered what Tyler meant by that, they didn't make any plans to go out.

"Ready to go where exactly?"

"I'm taking you on our first official date. I mean Thursday kinda was our first date already, but I want our first one to be special and not in my basement"

Josh was kinda speechless, that was the best possible way for this Saturday to go.  
"Uh, yeah, of course. I'd love to. Where are we going?"

"Somewhere very classy, you'll see!"

 

\---

 

"Really, Ty? Mc Donalds?", Josh had to keep himself from giggling.

"What? We don't eat here! I'll buy us some breakfast and then we'll go to the Park and eat it there, how does that sound?"

Josh hummed in agreement and 20 minutes later they were situated on a bench in the nearby park.

"Oh god, I forgot how good McDonalds breakfast could taste", said Tyler, but due to his full mouth, it sounded more like 'Oh gopf, I pfogot ho good Mponels brapfest cold tsst', which lead to Josh nearly spitting out all his food from laughing so hard.

"Stop laughing at me"

"Sorry, but that sounded way to funny", Josh was still giggling.

"Wow, that really hurt my feelings", Tyler looked at him with a fake pout.

"Awww, don't be mad. Even though you look cute when you are mad"

"You think I'm cute?", Josh nodded with a blush.

They smiled at each other for a moment, before Tyler started to lean in. Just before their lips connected, Josh pulled away and looked around nervously.

"What was that?", Tyler asked, voice laced with concern, "Is everything alright?"

"I really want to kiss you right now Ty, but I can't. There are too many people here...I'm a horrible person , I'm so sorry you have to put up with me.", Josh felt like he was going to cry.

"Don't talk like that about yourself! You're wonderful and I wouldn't want to do anything else rather than be with you, even if I can't kiss you in public yet."

"I wish we could just be normal and open, but I am so terrified of my family and the people at my school.", Josh fumbled with his hands nervously.

"I know it may seem stupid and meaningless and doesn't help anything, but I was just as scared as you before I came out. I already told you that everyone was way cooler with it, than I expected. Just give it time. When you are ready, I'll do everything to support you.", Tyler looked at Josh with what could only be described as pure affection and care.

"You are too good to me Ty....I can't believe we just met, it feels like I've known you forever. I-, Tyler?"

"Yes, what is it?"

"I really like you."

"Like like?"

"Like like..."

"Like, like like?"

"Tyler Robert Joseph! I swear if you say 'like' one more time then I'm going to change my mind!", both boys started laughing at their childishness.

After a few minutes, their laughter died down and they leaned back against the bench and closed their eyes, enjoying the warmth of the sun. The older boy inched his hand closer to Josh's, until their pinkies were intertwined. Both boys smiled to themselves.

"Will you be my boyfriend?", now that took Josh by surprise. He had to collect his thoughts for a moment, before he could tell the brunet the obvious answer.

"You really mean that?"

"I've never been more sure of anything.", Tyler told him, eyes still closed.

"Hmmm...then I'll say....YES, YES! OF COURSE!!!!!", Josh squealed and pulled Tyler into a bone crushing hug, forgetting the other people in the park.

They seperated and Tyler smirked. "I really wanna make out with you right now."

Josh didn't even answer, he just grabbed Tyler's wrist, threw the bags from their breakfast into a trash can and pulled the older boy to his car.

"Get into that frickin car Tyler and drive us to your house. Right now!", Tyler obeyed, I mean it was in his interest as well that they got to his house as quickly as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger, I'll try to update as quickly as possible.
> 
> |-/


	4. I don't wanna fall away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for mentions of self harm and suicide / suicidal thoughts

On their way to Tyler's house, he was barely able to hold himself back from driving faster than the speed limit.

He was still in slight shock, because: 1. Josh was his boyfriend now and shit, when did he get so lucky? 2. Josh had just turned from the shy person Tyler knew him as, to pulling him to his car in favor of a make out session.

A few minutes into their drive, Tyler white knuckling the wheel, neither of them had said a word, but the air was thick with tension. Eventually Tyler's hand found it's way into Josh's and they remained like this for the rest of their short journey across town.

When they arrived at Tyler's house, they couldn't get out of the car fast enough. They literally ran to the door and Tyler fumbled with his keys, shaking in anticipation. 

As soon as they set foot into the house, Tyler crashed his lips onto Josh's. With one foot he shut the door and after he had thrown his keys in the general direction of the cupboard, both of his hands were tangled in Josh's blue hair. His lips felt warm and soft against Tyler's and he tasted like McDonalds, but at the moment Tyler wouldn't want it any other way. Their lips were still closed and after a few more seconds, they had to seperate to breathe.

"Basement?", asked the older one, still trying to catch his breath.

"Basement.", confirmed Josh.

They made their way down the stairs and Josh was hoping that Tyler didn't notice how nervous he was. The kiss with Tyler a few days ago had been his first real kiss and now they were already going further. But he wanted to be close to Tyler. That was all that was on his mind right now. Being closer to the one person that made him forget his demons.

He was shaken out of his thoughts by the brunet slamming shut the basement door.

"Sooo...", began the younger one, but was interrupted by Tyler's lips on his and his hands on his hips. The older boy licked at Josh's bottom lip and he opened his mouth slightly. The feeling of Tyler's tongue licking into his mouth was new, but great. He could get used to that. Tyler led them to his couch, mouths never parting in the process. 

Josh's legs hit the edge of the sofa and he let himself fall backwards, Tyler now straddling him.

Tyler leaned down and their mouths melted together again. Josh had to hold on to Tyler's shirt, like it was his lifeline and maybe it was. The brunet tangled his hands in Josh's hair and pulled slightly in the process of trying to bring them to even closer together.  
At his hair being pulled, Josh let out an involuntary moan. Tyler sat up a little and looked at the boy under him. Josh was blushing. 

"Sorry", was all the blue haired boy could produce.

"Sorry? Why? That was the best thing I've heard in a while.", Tyler smirked and gave him a look full of adoration, before bringing their lips back together. 

At first the kiss was gentle but very quickly, it got more heated again. Josh ran his hands up and down Tyler's side and the older one was slowly kissing his way down from Josh's jaw to his neck. He bit and sucked at a spot that left Josh gasping and letting out little, embarrassed moans. Tyler continued to leave purple marks on Josh's neck and his throat until he absentmindedly had started to pull up Josh's hoodie, making the younger boy tense up immediately.

Tyler retracted his hand and frowned.

"I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done that, I- I really want, uh, it's not, um...I just can't", Josh looked panicked, as if Tyler would loose his shit any second.

"Oh Josh, don't be sorry. It's my fault, I didn't think. We don't have to do anything you don't want. I should've asked before I did that.", the brunet looked very concerned.

"I, uh, I have to leave, um family stuff", Josh stood up, pushing Tyler off his legs in the process and was already at the bottom of the stairs, when Tyler had collected himself enough to say something.

"Wait, what? What's wrong? I-, just don't leave now. Please?", but Josh just looked at him again and sprinted up the stairs. A few moments later the front door fell shut and down in the basement sat a confused and heart broken Tyler.

\---

To his luck, the beautiful weather from earlier had changed into being the worst of the month.  
Josh had walked home in the pouring rain, soaking his hoodie and everything else he wore. He left his car at Tyler's. He didn't trust himself behind the steering wheel after what had just happened.

He came home and didn't say a word to any of his parents or siblings, all asking questions about where the car was, why he was so wet and if he had been crying.  
He just ignored them and went to his room, stripping out of his clothes and walking to the bathroom. He turned on the shower as hot as he could stand it and sat under the burning hot stream, crying his eyes out. 

'Had he lost Tyler? Why had he been so stupid? Of course he'd have to take off his shirt sooner or later with Tyler around! He should just lock himself in his room and never come out again, so that Tyler can move on and find someone who isn't as fucked up and doesn't have disgusting scars all over his arms and shoulders. Or he could just end it. Tyler would break up with him anyway as soon as he'd see how sick and disgusting he is and right now Tyler was the only thing that kept him alive. He'd been so stupid. He should've just walked to the bridge that day and jumped. He had known him less than a week, how could he think that they had a future together?'  
Josh's mind was racing with destructive thoughts.

He got up and turned off the shower. He stood in front of the mirror and examined his arms. Mostly whitened scars ran all over them, a few a little thicker but most pretty thin. He felt like he was going to throw up and threw himself to the toilet, hunching over, but nothing happened. He just started crying again. 

Eyes clouded by streams of tears, he opened the cabinet under the sink and pulled out a packet of razor blades. He opened it and fished out one of the silver blades. He spun it in his hand and run his finger over the sharp edge.  
Before he could change his mind, he ran it over his wrist. Once, twice....until he had enough. Until his mind had quieted down.

\---

Tyler was pacing in his room. He had tried to call Josh every few minutes for the past hour, but he was either being ignored or something had happened, because Josh didn't answer his phone.

Just as he was about to press call again, he heard someone coming in through the front door. Neither his parents nor his siblings should be home right now, as they were at a family event, that Tyler could talk his way out of. So he naturally assumed that Josh must've come back and he ran up the stairs, taking two steps at a time.

When he arrived in the living room, he was more than disappointed to see his family standing at the door, taking off their jackets and shoes.

"Hello Tyler.", spoke his dad,"we had to come back earlier because of the horrible weather"

"Oh, uh, hi."

"Is everything okay sweetie?", asked his mother.

"Yeah, everything's dandy.", he shot them a fake smile.

"Ty?", piped up his sister, "Is Josh here?"

"Uh, no. He was earlier, but he left. Why?"

"His car is still in the driveway. We had to park on the street.", said his dad, before his sister could answer him.

"What?", Tyler's eyes went wide and he sprinted out of the door, into the rain. His family was right, Josh's car still was standing in the driveway. He felt even more worried than before. And even more guilty. 'Why did I have to scare him away? You are such an idiot Tyler!'

He ran back inside. 

"Dad, I need to go to Josh's real quick, I'll be back later."

"Honey? What is wrong? Did you two fight?", but he didn't hear his mothers questions anymore, he just slipped on his shoes, grabbed his keys and left. 

He was already driving down his street, when he realized that he had no idea where Josh lived.

So he pulled over and got out his phone, opening google to look for the Dun's address. Luckily he found it quickly and began to drive again, this time not really caring about speed limits or the rain that made it hard to see the street. He just wanted to know that Josh was fine.

You could say Josh's parents were quite surprised when a twenty year old they had never seen before, was asking to see their son. Tyler explained that he was a friend of Josh's that he met through mutual friends and they seemed to believe it.

Josh's mother led him to Josh's room, explaining to him, that he had come home soaking wet earlier, after leaving in the morning to work on a project. Tyler had to smile at that a little, thinking back to when he had to lie to his parents to hang out with his first boyfriend.

\---

Josh was laying on his bed, arms bandaged and covered by a warm hoodie, when he heard someone knock on his door.

"Josh? Your friend Tyler is here to see you. Can he come in?"

The boy felt panic rising in his chest. Tyler? Here? How did he even get his address?

"Josh?", this time it was Tyler's voice that was sounding through the door.

The blue haired boy got up and trotted to the door, opening it for Tyler to come in. His mother had already gone downstairs again, so he didn't hesitate to let himself fall into his boyfriends arms as soon as he came through the door. He was crying again, but this time he had a chest to cry into and a soothing hand running through his still wet hair.

"Josh? What is wrong?", but instead of answering, Josh began to sob even harder. "Hey, look at me.", Tyler took his face in his hands and tilted his head up, so that they were looking at each other, "Listen, whatever it is, you'll be fine, we'll be fine."

"I-", tried Josh, but he wasn't able to speak through his sobs.

"We don't have to talk about it. I was just worried and wanted to know that you were fine.", he thought for a second before asking, "How about we lie on your bed and just cuddle a bit until you are feeling better?"

Josh nodded. He still couldn't believe Tyler was putting up with him, especially when he was such a mess.  
They walked to his bed slowly and lay down. Tyler pulled Josh closer, so that the younger boy was nearly completely on top of him. Josh continued to sob, then his sobs turned into sniffs and eventually he fell asleep, Tyler's hand running over his back and the other one caressing his hair.


	5. Talking about important things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for self harm (and very briefly suicide)

Tyler hadn't planned to stay at Josh's overnight, but when he woke up at about 5 in the morning, he realized that watching Josh sleep was absolutely worth it. The younger boy looked so peaceful, the exact opposite from how he had looked when they fell asleep. Josh snored slightly and Tyler thought he had never heard something so adorable. He decided to let his boyfriend sleep a little longer and pulled his arm from where it had been under Josh's waist, so he could get up.

Even though he had never been to Josh's house before, he found the bathroom relatively quick, it was just down the hall from Josh's room. He got in and examined his reflection in the mirror, he looked a little disheveled but okay. He splashed his face with water and then brushed his teeth with a new toothbrush he found in the cabinet and what he assumed was Josh's toothpaste, he guessed the Duns wouldn't mind and he really hated morning breath.

He returned to Josh's bedroom about 10 minutes later and to his surprise, Josh was awake and standing in front of his closet, only wearing boxers. Tyler must've gasped a little louder than he thought, because Josh squeaked and grabbed anything he could reach, to cover himself.

"Josh? Why didn't you tell me?", Tyler felt like he was going to cry.

"I-I-uh", Josh's eyes were wide open and filled with fear.

"Can I come over?", Tyler was still standing in the door and Josh was on his bed. The younger one nodded.

Tyler made his way to the bed and sat down next to Josh, but not too close. He didn't want to scare him any more.

"Would you show me your arm again?"

"Wh-Why?"

"I just want to have a look at the fresh cuts. To make sure they are clean and not too deep. You weren't in the best state of mind, so it may be better if someone else inspects them, just to make sure."

Josh slowly stretched his bandaged arm out to Tyler and the older boy carefully removed the bandage. Josh had to close his eyes. He didn't want to see the disgust in Tyler's eyes, once he saw the cuts.

"Hmmm, they are deep, but not too bad. I don't think you need medical assistance for these...", he looked at Josh and saw that his eyes were squeezed shut, "Josh? It's okay."

The blue haired boy reluctantly opened his eyes again and what he saw in Tyler's eyes looking back at him, wasn't disgust, but worry and adoration. Why was he still here? Josh was disgusting and sick and stupid, why would he want to stay with someone like him? Josh couldn't even keep his mind quiet now. He felt so guilty for putting a person, as amazing as Tyler, through this.

"Look, it's totally fine if you don't want to talk to me about this, but I just wanted to let you know that mental health problems would never change how I feel about you, okay?", he squeezed Josh's hand. Now Josh was starting to tear up.

"I-I'm so sorry....I've never talked about this to anyone"

"You don't have anything to be sorry about. And as I said, I'm here for you. I'd never judge you.", that drove Josh over the edge and he started to sob. He was pulled into a hug and buried his face in Tyler's shoulder.

"I don't deserve you! I'm horrible a-and you are so great and I-I'll just disappoint you...", Josh spoke in between sobs.

"Stop saying that! You are great and I know that you may not believe me, but I really like you and even though I hate these scars, I only hate them because of why they are there. Because you felt the need to hurt yourself in order to cope with your life and I hate that. But they don't make you any less beautiful!", Tyler pulled away a little and looked into Josh's eyes, "I mean we still don't have to do anything until you are ready, but if the only reason you didn't want to yesterday, were the scars, then know that they don't make you any less hot", Josh blushed at his boyfriends words, "Now, one more thing and I want you to be 100 percent honest with me: Did you cut yourself because of me yesterday?"

Joshs eyes widened and he had to look at his lap, where he began fiddling with his hands, "Um, no. It was because of the situation and because of me, but never because of you. You are the best thing that happened to me, but I hate myself so much a-", he began to sob again.

Tyler pulled him closer again and ran his fingers through the blue hair, to calm him. When Josh had stopped crying, they lay down on his bed again, Josh in Tyler's arms. They remained like this, neither having spoken a word since Josh started crying, until a knock at Josh's door indicated that his parents and sibling were expecting him downstairs for breakfast. Luckily no one came in, or they would have been met with their _shirtless straight_ son, cuddling another boy in his bed. That sure wouldve been a slight surprise and a scene that Josh wouldn't really want them to see.

"Do you want to stay for breakfast?"

"Um, yeah, if that's okay? Afterwards you could drive home with me and get your car."

Josh nodded and pecked Tyler on the mouth. He smiled, before grabbing his hoodie and pulling it on. They made their way downstairs and were met with curious looks when they stepped into the kitchen.

"Oh, Good Morning son. Your mother told me you had a friend over.", his father smiled and turned to Tyler, "I'm Bill, nice to meet you. Tyler, right?"

"Yes, sir. Nice to meet you too. I hope I don't interrupt your breakfast with my presence."

"Oh stop with the formalities. Call me Bill and sit down. We love having guests and Josh seems to like you, so you are more than welcome.", his father gestured to the table, where the rest of the family was seated. The boys both sat down.

"Hey, um, Good Morning Mrs. Dun.", he smiled at Josh's mother.

"Good Morning. Josh? Do you feel better?", she gave her son a concerned look.

"Uh, yeah. There was a misconception and after Tyler had told me, everything was fine again.", he gave his mother a little smile and turned to his siblings, "Guys, this is Tyler, he is a friend of mine."

Tyler learned that Joshs family was really nice and welcoming. They ate breakfast and everyone made jokes, laughed together and had a great time. He was surprised, because Josh was so scared of coming out, but his family seemed awesome. Josh told his parents that he had to pick the car up and the couple drove to Tyler's house. Tyler had offered him to come in, but Josh declined and told him that he didn't want to bother his parents on Sunday morning. The boys kissed goodbye and Josh drove home.

When Tyler went inside, his sister came running towards him, squealing excitedly.

"Ty!"

"Oh my god Mads, what is it?", he chuckled.

"You and Josh are soooooo cute, I'm so happy for you", she hugged him.

"Hahaha, I guess you saw us kiss?"

"Yeeeeeesssss and it was sooooooooo cute!!! I mean I guess we all knew already, because you held hands and stuff, but now that I saw you kiss, there's no way you could deny it!"

"I'd never deny being with Josh. But I had boyfriends before, why are you so excited?"

"Yeah, but they were all stupid. Josh is the first one I actually like..."

"Okay, lil sis. I really like him too. But please don't tell anyone about him and me being together, okay? Josh goes to your school and he isn't out, so no one can know...", his sister nodded.

Tyler spent the rest of the day studying for exams and texting Josh. They agreed to meet up on Tuesday to go get some food together.

 

\---

  

Josh didn't really look forward to Monday morning, because he had ignored all of his friends the entire weekend. When he walked into the school, Sarah, Brendon and Hayley stood at his locker, apparently waiting for him.

"You are alive", shouted Brendon as soon as he saw Josh.

"Oh my god Josh! What was going on? Why didn't you answer any of our texts?", asked Hayley.

"Um, hey guys, eh, sorry, I, uh there was this family thing..."

"Really? And you didn't have any time to answer us?", Hayley furrowed her eyebrows and looked at him, she apparently didn't believe him.

"Yeah, uh, I-I have to go, um bye see you at lunch!", with that Josh speed walked to his first class, wanting to avoid more questions.

During lunch everything was normal and no one questioned Josh any more. Nothing out of the ordinary happened until Hayley spoke up.

"Uh, guys, I kinda wanted to tell you something"

"What is it?", asked Sarah, looking worried.

"Did you kill someone?"

"No Brendon, I didn't kill someone.", she rolled her eyes, "I don't want to make a big deal out of this and I know that you guys probably won't care, but I thought I'd tell you anyway..."

"Okay, so now you are making a big deal out of this. Just tell us...", Josh grew impatient. He really wanted to know what Hayley had to say, because he had no idea what it could be.

"I like girls.", the blue haired boy's eyes widened in shock. Now _that_ really came as a surprise.

"....aaaand?", Brendon looked at her as if she had told them she had to make an announcement and then told them her last name. Josh was shifting in his chair uncomfortably, he really didn't want to talk about sexuality during lunch, he was scared that he had to lie about his, because he definetely didn't feel ready to come out to all of his friends at once.

"Brendon, be a little more sensitive! It obviously matters to her....Hayley, we are all totally fine with that. We are your friends, we don't care who you like.", Sarah reached over the table and placed her hand on Hayley's and squeezed it reassuringly. The other girl smiled.

"Of course we don't care that you are gay, it just isn't a surprise to me...", Brendon tried to argue, "Josh and I don't give a fuck who fucks who? Right?", he looked at Josh who quickly nodded.

"Uff, now I'm relieved. I mean I kinda knew you guys would support me, but I still felt a little nervous.", Hayley gave them all a grin, "Oh and by the way, I'm not gay. I also like guys. And everything in between.", _everything in between?_ Josh was confused, there was something other than male and female? He'd have to google that later.

"So, pansexual?", Brendon asked. _Another new word,_ thought Josh. 

"I guess, but don't label me. I hate labels. I just don't care about gender, that's it."

"Don't worry, we won't label you if you don't want us to.", Sarah told her and with that the topic was forgotten.

 

\---

 

Right after the last class of the day, when Josh was just about to close his locker and go home, Hayley tapped him on the shoulder.

"Oh hey Hayls, what's up?"

"Do you have time to talk?", the redhead looked nervous.

"Sure, just give me one second...", Josh shut his locker and grabbed his backpack, he was worried, she seemed pretty serious. 

They walked out of the school and sat on a bench just outside the gates.

"So, what do you want to talk about? Did I do anything?"

"Um, not exactly. I'm just a little confused, because you were so quiet at lunch after I told you guys....Do you, uh, do you have a problem with my sexuality? Not that I want to accuse you of being homophobic, but it was weird because you didn't say a word to me afterwards.", she looked a little scared. Josh on the other hand was panicking internally, _what was he supposed to tell her?_

 _"_ O _-_ Of course I am o-okay with you being, uh, not, um, you know....", Josh was aware that he sounded very unsure and was probably blushing.

"Really? Because you don't seem that sure about it. Look, I'm sorry if it bothers you, well, I am not really sorry, but yeah. I understand, the whole christian thing is probably why, isn't it? And if you dont want anything to do with me, then go ahead, I don't want unsupportive people in my life!", her tone was getting harsher towards the end and Josh knew he'd have to tell her the truth, or he'll loose his best friend. Plus, after her coming out he knew she would take it well and that made him comfortable with the idea of telling her, not that he had a choice now....

"I'm gay.", _oh god, that definitely wasn't how he wanted to tell her._ Josh blushed even harder and looked at his feet.

"E-Excuse me? What?", Hayley looked at him as if he was joking.

"I-, ugh, I'm gay, I-I like boys...", that earned him an excited squeal and suddenly he was pulled into a bear hug.

"That's so awesome! Why didn't you tell me? Was that why you were so weird? I didn't pressure you unintentionally, did I? Since when do you know? Am I the first one to know? Oh god that's so great!!!"

"Um, okay, which question should I answer first?"

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I guess I was just really scared of anyone judging me. After today I obviously know that that's stupid, but I was terrified of anyone knowing.", he fiddled with the strings on his hoodie nervously.

"That makes me even more glad that I came out today. Now you have someone you can talk to. And since when do you know?", she took one of his hands and ran her thumb over the back of it, the little gesture of comfort made Josh smile.

"I've always kinda known. But I didn't think about telling anyone until recently. I felt way too guilty.", he didn't mention that he only had grown comfortable with the idea of living openly gay, since the day he met Tyler. He also didn't mention that he nearly had killed himself that day.

"That doesn't matter now. I'm so proud of you. Now we can be queer together", she giggled, "Do you plan on telling the others soon?"

"Uh, I really don't know about Brendon. I mean he accepted you, but he is a straight dude. They always care less about gay, or with you 'not-straight', women, than they care about any of their guy friends being gay. It could make things weird."

"About what Brendon are you talking? Because the Brendon I know, did nearly slap a teacher last year, when he didn't scowl Billy for saying 'fag'....I don't think you have to worry about him. But it's okay if you want to wait. At least you have me now."

"I'm proud of you as well, you know? I'm happy you are my best friend, Hayls.", he smiled at her and she gave him a peck on the cheek.

"Awww, I'm happy to have you as well. Now, lets stop being sappy and let's talk about Lea being a total bitch in PE today?!"

_Now that went way smoother than he had imagined it to go._

The two talked about school and the horrible people in it for another hour, before they had to go home. Josh didn't stop smiling that night. Okay, maybe once, but Algebra is really good in wiping even the biggest smile off your face.

 

 


	6. TB Saga (or an annoying Brendon and too much fun)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey frens, thanks for all the kudos and comments, I'm happy every time I see someone's feedback <3 |-/

School on Tuesday really wasn't as bad as Josh had thought, one of the reasons being that it went by surprisingly quickly and in no time he was on his way to Taco Bell, where he and Tyler had agreed to meet up. When he entered the restaurant Ty,er was sitting in a booth, waiting for him. As soon as he saw Josh he waved and made his way over to him, so they could order.

"Hey Jish!", Tyler grinned at him.

"Jish?", Josh had to laugh at the nickname, "Weird, but I like it."

"As if you aren't weird", Tyler laughed and after they had gotten their food, they sat down in the booth Tyler had sat in before.

"So you texted me you had to tell me something?", Tyler broke the comfortable silence between two bites of his Chalupa and Josh nodded.

"Yeah, but it's nothing too important."

"Don't you want to tell me?"

"Well, do I?", Josh smirked.

"Stop being such a tease!"

"Okay, I'll tell you."

Tyler waited for him to talk but Josh just continued to eat.

"Really? Joooooosh! Tell me!", the older boy was starting to get impatient, but he knew Josh just wanted to tease him.

"Tyleeeeeeeeeerrrr.", he chuckled, it was way too funny to him to make fun of Tyler's impatience, "Alright. So you know who Hayley is don't you?"

"Your best friend?", Josh nodded, "The scary one?", Josh nodded again.

"Yesterday at lunch she kinda came out to our little friend group?"

"Oh my god, Josh, that's amazing! So you aren't the only gay one ...", Tyler's smile was nearly bigger than his face now.

"Well she prefers not to be labeled, but Brendon"

"The annoying one?", asked Tyler and Josh nodded once again.

"Brendon said she is pansexual, so I did some research and I found it very interesting that there are more than two genders, did you know that?"

"Of course I knew that. But you're new to this whole gay thing, so you still have to learn. It's great you did some research, so you won't have any slip ups if she'll ever date someone non-binary for example."

"Yeah, right, but the main thing I was wanting to tell you was, that I t really nervous when she came out, because I was scared we were going to talk about the topic at lunch and eventually I would have to admit to not being straight and Brendon would freak out and yeah, so I wasn't really supportive of her that day and didn't really talk. After school she confronted me and basically accused me of being homophobic, because I didn't talk to her and the only way to convince her I'm not was telling her that I'm gay...."

Tyler squealed like a little kid when it was told that it would get cotton candy, but then his expression of excitement turned into a frown, "Wait, so you didn't tell me like right away that you just had your first coming out?"

"I wanted to tell you in person."

"Okay, I'll forgive you, but only because I'm so frickin happy for you and proud of you, because that is the biggest step in coming out. Doing it for the first time is the most important thing, because then it'll get easier with every person you tell..."

"But theoretically you were the first person I came out to"

"We were strangers back then, it doesn't count."

"Back then", Jish had to giggle, "You make it sound like it wasn't a little over a week ago..."

"Oh shut it, you know what I mean..."

"I do. And back to the coming out story, I'm really happy as well, now I have at least one person I can be open about this with."

"Aren't you forgetting someone?", Tyler fake-pouted.

"But I kiss you. Would be weird if you thought I was straight.", he chuckled, "And I need someone to talk about you with."

"You told her about us?"

"Not yet..."

"But you will in the near future?"

"I plan to do it this week. I mean she already knows I'm gay, so why not tell her I have a boyfriend."

Tyler grinned.

"What?", Josh laughed.

"Just sounds so good, you referring to me as you boyfriend. Sounds right."

Josh blushed. He was just about to say something cheesy to Tyler when he heard someone shout his name through the entire Taco Bell.

"Josh! My man!", the voice was now closer and Josh recognized it as Brendon's. _Great, that's who he needed to encounter while on his date with Tyler._

He turned around and faced Brendon who was now standing next to their table.

"Hey, didn't expect to see you here."

"Just getting food for me and Sarah, she's waiting in the car."

Josh smiled and made an approving noise, trying not to get nervous. He really didn't want Brendon to find out this way.

"Since Josh has gone mute, I'll just introduce myself, I'm Brendon, or Breadbin as my friends like to call me.", he reached out his hand for Tyler to shake.

"Thats a great nickname", Tyler laughed, "I'm Tyler, Josh's ...uh, his friend.", he shook Brendon's hand while Josh just stared at the two.

"Can I sit down with you two while I wait for my food?"

The question startled Josh out of his trance and he quickly gestured for Brendon to sit next to him.

"Oh, yeah of course, take a seat.", Brendon sat down and Josh glanced at Tyler, who didn't seem nervous at all, just a bit unsure of what to think of the situation.

"Tyler, Josh has never mentioned you. How do you two know each other?"

"Well, we met in a coffee shop not even two weeks ago, that probably why he hasn't mentioned it."

"Yeah, I was sitting at his usual table and then he sat down with me and we talked.", apparently both of them thought it would be better not to lie, because thinking if a believable story this quickly probably wouldn't work.

"Are you in college? Not to offend you, but you look older than us...", _why couldn't Brendon just not be a nosey little shit once?_

"Yup, I go to Ohio State."

"That's so cool. It's hard to get in isn't it?"

"It is. I got a scholar ship luckily."

"What for?", SHUT UP BRENDON, Josh was thinking.

"Basketball."

"Uh Brendon, I think your food is ready.", Josh interrupted before Brendon could ask anything else.

"Oh, well, guess I see you tomorrow at school Josh. Tyler, we'll probably run into each other some time. See you guys."

Josh told him goodbye and with that he was gone.

"Wow, that was...", Tyler chuckled.

"He is a lot, I know."

"He is a lot, but funny. I like him.", he reached over the table to squeeze Josh's hand, "I really don't think you have to be scared of coming out to him, babe."

Josh looked down at the table and blushed because of the nickname.

"Thanks, Ty. But I guess I'll just do it when the time is right, you know?"

"Totally, take your time, as I've already told you a thousand times.", he grinned and released Josh's hand, "Wanna drive to my place and play Mario Kart?"

"Now that's be best idea I've heard today."

\---

The week went on without anything special happening. Josh and Tyler texted every day, mostly stupid jokes and cheesy declarations of adoration, but that was about it. The only weird thing was the looks Brendon kept giving Josh. It freaked him out a little to be honest. He hoped that Brendon didn't figure out the real nature of his and Tyler's relationship and now hated his guts. But his pessimistic side was getting the best of him and he was terrified by the end of the week.

Josh had been worrying all day, when he got a message from Tyler:

**Wanna go out and meet some of my friends tonight? x**

To be honest, he didn't really want to. He was scared of them not liking him, but it was Friday and he wouldn't have a valid excuse not to go, so he had to agree.

**Why not? Where and when?**

He got a reply instantly.

**Really? Great. My house at 8?**

Josh agreed and hurried to leave the school and get home, so he would have enough time to make himself look decent.

\---

Tyler on the other hand was really excited when he got Josh's reply, because his friends meant a lot to him and he wanted them to meet his boyfriend as quickly as possible. He had been talking about Josh non-stop since they met and they were beginning to think he was making him up.

He quickly texted Patrick, Pete and Dallon that he would be at Petes house with Josh at around 8:30 and then went on to get ready.

He had just finished doing his hair when the doorbell rang. It was just past 7, but he still wasn't surprised when he saw Josh standing on his porch.

"You're early.", he grinned and pulled Josh inside to peck him on the lips. The younger boy reciprocated the kiss and smiled into it.

"Couldn't wait to see ya.", he smirked when they pulled away.

"You look really hot", Tyler grinned, obviously checking his boyfriend out. But who wouldn't? Josh looked gorgeous with his backwards black snapback, leather-like skinny jeans and band shirt with a jean jacked thrown on top.

Josh blushed at the compliment and pressed his lips to Tyler's. He was sure he'd never get bored of that feeling, Tylers lips moving softly against his, his tongue finding it's way in Josh's mouth, pressing each other as close as possible. He wanted to remain like this forever, mouths connected, kissing until they couldn't breathe anymore.

"Oh!", the boys were startled by the noise and jumped away from each other.

"Zack!", Tyler glared at his brother that stood in the doorway, smirking at the couple. Josh was a bright crimson, he couldn't believe Tyler's brother just witnessed them making out.

"What? Sorry that I am walking around freely in the house I live in!", Zack snapped at his brother.

At the raised voices, Tyler's Dad appeared in the doorway to the living room.

"What's the problem now, boys? Oh, Josh, hi. Didn't know you were here.", he gave his sons boyfriend a smile before giving the brothers a stern look.

"Tyler is angry because I caught them making a baby on the doorstep", Zack nearly giggled. Chris' eyes widened.

"Zack! Stop exaggerating!", he looked at his brother angrily before turning to his dad, "We were just kissing...", he was blushing as well now.

"Look Tyler, I really don't care what you two get up to. You are an adult, but please do it in your room and not on the doorstep, okay?"

"But...", he tried and was silenced by Josh squeezing his hand and gesturing for them to go to Tyler's room, "Uh we'll go downstairs...", his dad chuckled and Zack winked at them, Tyler just snorted and pulled Josh through the living room and into the basement.

Josh shrugged off his jacket and Tyler was relieved that he was comfortable enough to wear a short sleeved shirt around him now.

"Wanna continue where we left off?", the younger one grinned and Tyler nodded frantically before pushing Josh down onto the couch and straddling him. This reminded him a lot of the last time, he was hoping for it to end better this time though.

Tyler didn't waste any time and instantly dove into a passionate kiss, leaving both boys breathless already after not even a minute. When they had recovered a little, he began planting kisses on Josh's jawline, slowly making his way further down to his neck. He didn't leave obvious marks last time, but he really wanted to show everyone Josh was his, so he began sucking and slightly biting into the soft flesh of the blue haired boys neck who was a little startled by the sudden roughness, but then continued to let out little breathy moans as Tyler had now reached his collar bones. His hands found their way into the brunets hair who groaned a little when Josh pulled it slightly.

"I don't know if we have enough time to take this any further, but would it be okay if I took your shirt off?", Tyler asked after he had pulled away and stared down at Josh with his big doe eyes. The younger one nodded quickly, just wanting this to go on forever.

"Words Joshy...."

"Yes, please take it off.", managed Josh, still panting a little.

That was all Tyler needed to bring his hands to the hem of his shirt and pull it over his head in one swift motion, before he did the same with his own shirt.

Josh just stared at him, he was fascinated by Tyler's tattoos and how good they looked against his tan skin. He hesitated at first, but then brought his hands up to Tyler's chest to run his fingers over the minimalistic lines.

"Beautiful", he muttered and Tyler blushed a little.

The elder on the other hand was surprised by how toned Josh's body was, not that he wasn't expecting him to have a great body, I mean you already kinda got the idea when he had a shirt on, but the younger boys upper body was the best one he'd ever seen, that he was sure of. He was muscular, but not bulky and not that defined, you could just see the beginning of a sixpack showing and this subtle hotness was breathtaking. And his arms were the perfect kind of muscular as well, Josh's body made him feel all fluttery. Josh was perfect in his eyes.

Tyler smiled down at him, "You know, you have a better body than most of the guys I play basketball with...", he ran his hands over Josh's chest and his abs. He then passed them over his arms, being careful with the newer cuts, but wanting to show Josh that he would like his body no matter what, "Everything about you is so hot...", he breathed.

Josh didn't answer, but pulled Tyler down in another kiss, that didn't even start innocently. Their hands were instantly roaming the others body and when Tyler discovered that they both seemed to like it a lot, _if you know what I mean_ , he experimentally ground his hips into Josh's who let another moan slip at the sensation. Just as Tyler was bringing his fingers to the waistband of Josh's jeans, the elders phone vibrated in his pocket, signaling an incoming call.

"Oh really?", Josh frowned but Tyler just shot him an apologetic look and sat back to answer his phone.

"Hey? Oh, hi Patrick....Is it that late already??? Uh, yeah we are on our way, I'm, uh, we got cought up in...things", he smirked at Josh who giggled a little, "Yeah, Patty, see ya in a few!"

"What time is it?", Josh asked after he hung up and Tyler turned his phone for him to look, "8:41?"

"Guess we had a little too much fun....", Tyler leaned down to press another kiss to Josh's mouth, before he grabbed both of their shirts and the boys pulled them back on.

A few minutes later they were in Tyler's car, driving to Petes place.

 

 


	7. You're all I need

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for suicidal thoughts 
> 
>  
> 
> I'm sorry for any mistakes, it was very late, but I wanted to post this as quickly as possible

Pete's house was just a few blocks from Tyler's, so they arrived in no time. During the short drive, Tyler had to tell Josh over and over that his friends were going to like him. The younger boy still was extremely nervous, because what if they hated him? Would Tyler really choose a boy he met 2 weeks ago over his friends?

But when Tyler knocked on the door, he really had no other chance than stay calm and try not to die of a heart attack, there was no going back now. The couple heard shuffling behind the door and a few seconds later it swung open to reveal a relatively small guy with black hair and eyeliner.

"There you are! 20 minutes late, that's a new record Joseph!", the guy grinned at them.

"Hey Pete.", Tyler smiled and pulled Pete into a hug before stepping back and gesturing to Josh, "This is Josh, my boyfriend"

Josh blushed a little and stepped forward to shake Pete's hand, but was pulled into a bear hug instead.

"So you are real", Pete spoke after they had separated, earning an eye roll from Tyler and a confused look from Josh, "We've been starting to think he was just making you up, because we kept bugging him about why he's still single...", the black haired guy chuckled.

"Yeah, uh, well I am real", Josh rubbed his neck nervously and glanced to Tyler who sensed that he was still nervous.

"Uh, Pete, why don't we get in and I introduce Josh to Patty and Dal?"

"Sure, they are in the living room"

Tyler placed his hand on Josh's back reassuringly and gave him a smile before leading them to the other room, where his friends were having an argument on which Mario Kart character is the best.

"...that's why Princess Peach is definitely better than Mario!", Patrick was just ending his argument as the boys stepped into the room.

"What are you two even talking about?", Tyler chuckled.

"Hey! Finally, we've been waiting foreeever", Patrick stood up and threw his arms around Tyler in a dramatic manner.

"Guys, this is Josh."

"Oh my god he is adorable!", squeaked Patrick and hugged Josh with a strength he didn't think a man as small as him would be able to have, "Hi, I'm Patrick, but you can call me Patty."

Tyler just chuckled at his friends behavior.

"Uh, hi.", Josh gave him a shy smile, before looking at Tyler.

"And Josh this is Dallon, Dallon, this is Josh."

"Hi, nice to meet you.", said the tall guy, shaking Josh's hand. He seemed the most normal out of the group.

After the introductions they settled on the couch for a few rounds of Mario Kart, Tyler winning most of them. They had ordered Pizza and two hours after Josh's and Tyler's arrival, they were seated on the living room floor, drinking wine and talking.

"So, Josh, how did Tyler get you to be his boyfriend? You can tell us if he holds you here against your will", Pete asked with a grin.

"Don't worry, coming here was my decision. And to answer your question: He was just his charming and hot self", Josh giggled, he didn't really drink regularly, so he was already a bit tipsy. Tyler blushed a little and pecked Josh on his cheek.

"Awwww, look at them, aren't they sooooo cute", Patrick was also not really sober anymore. Dallon just rolled his eyes at his friends. He was the only one who wasn't affected by the alcohol yet.

"Its hot in here, isn't it?", stated Pete and took his shirt off. The boys were laughing at his fuckboy behavior.

"Pete, keep it PG, there is a minor in here!", chuckled Tyler and earned himself a slap against the arm from Josh, "Ow!"

"I'm nearly 18! And I've seen you without a shirt on...", Josh apparently lost his filter due to the wine.

"Uhhhhhhhh, Tyler! That's my man!", Pete held his hand up for a high five, but Tyler just snorted and flipped him off.

"How about some truth or dare?", spoke Dallon, who finally got a bit more relaxed after nearly a whole bottle of wine.

"Yes! I haven't played that in soooooo long.", squealed Patty excitedly, "I start! Uh....Pete! Truth or Dare?"

"Dare!", _of course,_ thought Tyler, _what else would Pete choose._

"I dare you to, um, uh.....Ah! I dare you to kiss the part of me you like the most!", Patrick giggled and blushed.

"Uh, Pattycakes, I don't think our friends would like to see that....", Pete chuckled while Dallon and Tyler wolf whistled and Josh just went bright red.

"Why don't you just go into another room?", Dallon suggested and Tyler laughed tears when the couple nodded and stood up.

The friends could see Pete whispering something in Patrick's ear and the smaller boy unbuckling his pants, before they closed the door to the living room. Minutes passed and they hadn't come back yet. Nobody said anything, they were too concentrated on listening to the groans coming from the room and trying not to start laughing out loud. Josh was a little overwhelmed by how they were acting, because he'd never been this sexually open with his friends. It was weird to him, but he found it extremely funny and refreshing at the same time. 

After a good 10 minutes Dallon decided to knock on the door and a few seconds later appeared a disheveled Pete with red lips and a Patrick with his face flushed red and sweat on his forehead.

"You had a good time in there?", laughed Tyler and just earned a blush from the couple, "Wanna continue with the game?"

Pete dared Dallon to lick his toes, Patrick had to rate Petes ass and Josh had to lick Tyler's neck. So far so good. Now it was Tyler's turn and he dared Dallon to make out with Pete. Patrick had to pull them apart after a minute, angry look on his face. He snapped at Pete and told him that he was behaving like an asshole. With that the two began bickering which led to a full blown fight. Tyler, Josh and Dallon decided that it'd be better to leave them alone. It was late already anyway. They told their goodbyes but the arguing couple didn't really listen, so they just left. 

"Well, that was interesting", giggled Josh as they were seated in Tyler's car, "Are you sure you can drive?"

"'Course, it's not that far and I didn't even drink that much..."

\---

Luckily they'd gotten home safely, but Josh didn't get to see Tyler again on the weekend, because his mother thought that he spent too much time with him and too little time with his family. He even had to go to church on Sunday.

The week began like every other week, school was boring and his friends were annoying but great. 

Until on Wednesday, Josh woke up knowing that today was not a good day. He woke up at 4:55am with a headache and no will to leave his bed ever again. He curled up in his bed and started crying out of nowhere. Bad thoughts were making his head hurt even more and he just didn't know how to stop them. 

_Why am I crying again?_

_I'm such a mess, I don't even deserve to be happy._

_I can't even kill myself because I'm a weak pussy._

_Tyler would be so much better off without me._

It went on and on, until his mother was knocking on his door to wake him up, not knowing that he'd been awake for two hours already.

Josh didn't want anything but to never speak to anyone again, but that was sadly not an option, so he dries his tears, got up and got ready for school. He didn't eat breakfast, he wasn't hungry at all. He turned the volume of his headphones nearly all the way up on his way to school, he needed to loose himself in the heavy music. It was the only thing holding him back from jumping in front of a car.

He didn't talk to anyone at school, avoiding his friends and simply not answering his teachers. 

He broke down during 4th period. Algebra. Not only did he already suck at the subject without wanting to off himself, but as if his evil teacher had sensed it, he let them write a surprise test. Josh couldn't answer a single question. His mind was beginning to become too much and without a word, he jumped out of his seat in the middle of the lesson, grabbed his backpack and fled to the bathroom, ignoring the shouts from his teacher. He wouldn't have been able to help him anyway.

While he sat on the disgusting floor of one of the stalls, crying his eyes out, his phone vibrated in his pocket. Josh got it out with shaking hands. _Tyler was calling him._  Josh was so shocked at his boyfriends timing, that he nearly forgot to answer. He was so grateful for this weird sense Tyler apparently had, always appearing or calling or texting at the exactly right time.

"H-Hello?", Josh tried his best not to sound like he was crying. He didn't succeed.

"Jish? What is wrong? Why didn't you answer my texts? Are you crying?", Tyler was talking really fast. You could hear that he was extremely worried.

"I-I can't do this an-anymore", Josh was sobbing again.

"You need to listen to me Josh, okay? You tell me exactly we're you are right now and I'm going to come there and get you. Please, you need to stay strong for a little longer, I know you can do it...", Tyler was already on his way off of campus, he had turned around from walking to his next class the second he heard that Josh was crying.

"I am...", Josh was interrupted by another sob, "I'm at school. In the bathroom."

"I need you to breath, baby boy. I know it's hard, but please try to keep going for me, okay?"

"I-I'll try....please, I need you. Don't leave me, please, don't ever leave me...", Josh's breaths were getting harder, shorter and Tyere sensed that he was on the edge of a massive panic attack. 

"I'm on my way. I'll be there in no time, okay?", Tyler thought of a way to calm Josh down and quickly remembered what he used to do when Pete had a panic attack, " Now: Can you tell me 5 things you see?"

Josh was taken aback by the sudden change of topic, but started to look around the bathroom stall, "Uh, the door, the toilet, uh, the floor....toilet paper, my feet. Was that five?", his breaths were already a little more steady. 

Tyler asked him the rest of the questions while making his way to his car and by the time he got into the drivers seat, Josh  had calmed down to where Tyler felt he was relatively safe again. He didn't stop talking to Josh about the most random stuff the whole car ride to the school and the conversation kept Josh grounded.

The younger boy had stopped crying before Tyler had ended the phone call to enter the school. It was only a minute later that someone entered the bathroom.

"Josh? Baby? Are you in here?"

Josh didn't even answer, he was so relieved Tyler was there to safe him, that he just burst out of the stall and into his boyfriends arms. He began to sob really hard again.

"Oh, baby boy, I'm so sorry. Come on, let's get you out of here, okay? I'll sign you out and then I'll take you home."

Josh nodded, despite having his face buried in Tyler's neck. The older one ran a soothing hand over his back for another minute, before pulling back a little. Josh immediately tried to cuddle into him again, but Tyler reached under his chin and tilted his head up to press a soft kiss to his lips, before grabbing Josh's hand and leading him out of the door, into the hallway. Luckily the next period had already begun, so no one was walking around to see the couple. 

They had nearly made it to the office to sign Josh out, when a girl Tyler didn't know, came running towards them. When Josh saw her, he immediately pulled his hand from Tyler's and then froze.

"Oh my god, Josh, what is wrong? I haven't seen you all day!", Hayley had reached them and was looking them up and down, obviously confused by the situation.

Josh didn't seem to be able to answer her, so Tyler spoke up.

"You must be Hayley.", the girl nodded, perplexed, "I'm Tyler, a good friend of Josh's. He isn't feeling very well and asked me to drive him home."

"Oh, uh, okay. Um, yeah that's me. And I suspected that, Brendon told me he met you.", he was eyeing the pair curiously.

"Great. So, uh, we'll leave now. ", Tyler said and shot her apologetic smile, before grabbing Josh's arm gently, signaling for him to get moving again.

"Um, nice to meet you I guess.", Hayley still looked confused as hell, "Josh! I hope you'll feel better soon, I'll message you..."

The younger boy just nodded and started walking, Tyler's hand still attached to his arm. They made it to the office without further disturbances and Tyler signed Josh out.

They found themselves in Tyler's car, five minutes later. Josh still hadn't said a word when they arrived at his house, he just got out of the car and went to the door, pulled out his keys and let himself and Tyler in. Tyler followed, not trying to get Josh to speak, he just wanted to be there for him, whatever that meant.

Josh slowly climbed up the stairs to his room, only stopping when he noticed that Tyler wasn't there with him. The older boy immediately jumped up the stairs, following Josh and with that, the blue haired boy was walking again. He opened the door to his room and as soon as Tyler had closed it behind him, he let himself go completely. 

As if someone had turned a switch on, Josh collapsed onto his bed, sobs wrecking him. He was crying harder than Tyler had ever seen someone cry and frankly, it scared him. It was in no way like in a movie, Josh looked terrible, nose running, his whole face blotchy and red, his eyes puffy and his mouth drooling. Tyler had to collect his thoughts before lunging himself over to Josh, cradling the boy in his lap, while he sat on the edge of the bed. He let him cry for minutes without stopping once, he ran his hands over his back, through his hair and even rocked back and forth a little. 

Like the last time Tyler comforted him, Josh's crying began to die down after about ten minutes and when it had stopped mostly, Tyler felt the need to say something. It had been hard for him to stay quiet for so long, not being able to do anything for the boy he loved. _He knew it was to early, but it was the truth, he loved the boy in his arms. More than anything._

 _"_ Can I talk again?", was the first thing he asked, not wanting to overwhelm Josh.

"Hmm...", came the answer. He took it as a yes.

"I'm going to ramble now and you are going to let me. Because I'm going to ramble about how much I love you and don't you dare ever doubting that, okay? I know you probably don't love me yet, or aren't ready to say it or to commit to the feeling, but Joshua William Dun, you are making me feel things I've never felt before. I can't stand to see you so sad and hopeless, because you have become my everything in the short time I know you. You have become the only source of energy I need, hell, I haven't been drinking this little Red Bull in years! I think about you all day, from waking up until I go to sleep and I always have to smile when I think about you. My family is getting annoyed with me because I'm always so happy. The only reason for that is you. And I want to help you be happy, too. I know that what you feel is not a simple sadness and can't be cured by a short laugh or a kiss, but I want to do everything to at least make it more bearable for you. I love you so much."

Josh stared at him with wide eyes, tears threatening to spill again, but this time it was not because he hated himself and his life so much, it was out of shock, he never heard something as beautiful as the words Tyler had just told him.

He couldn't help himself, he just had to kiss his boyfriend. He pressed his lips to Tyler's, firmly, wanting to get the closest they could be. There was nothing sexual about it though. It was pure love and comfort.

Tyler cupped his head with his hands and seperated them after a while, having to breathe again. Josh whined and turned around, chest now flush against Tyler's, his legs wrapped around his waist. He buried his face in the nape between his neck and his shoulder and began crying again. 

"I just want it to stop....", he spoke when he had calmed down again a little.

"It will, baby boy, it will. You just have to promise me, that you don't give up, okay? Whenever you feel like giving up or not being able to deal with it anymore, please just call me. Whenever, wherever. I'll come and get you. Always.", Tyler meant it.

He'd do anything for the boy in his lap.

"I promise", Josh said after a few moments of silence, "It's just so hard to keep going sometimes. Living is so hard. But I think I can live for you."

Tyler didn't say anything, he just let silent tears roll down his cheeks and smiled the biggest smile ever. He wasn't planning on ever letting Josh go. Ever. 

He pulled the boy even closer. He was going to marry the crap out of him one day. He just knew it.

 

 

 

 

 


	8. Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw (very small) for suicide and self harm

Josh didn't go to school on Thursday. He told his friends via text that he wasn't feeling well and then he'd come back on Friday.  
He had spent the whole Thursday laying in bed and texting Tyler in between his classes. He didn't touch a razor blade and he was kinda proud of himself for that, but he also knew that he had to thank Tyler for that. Without Tyler he would've been dead for about 3 weeks now.

The thought of him never meeting Tyler weirded him out. In this short time, a life without his boyfriend had become something unimaginable.

  
Friday morning he didn't dread school as much as usual. He was planning on telling Hayley about him and Tyler during lunch and he was a little excited to tell someone what an awesome boyfriend he had.   
While he got ready, he got a text that turned his excitement and slight happiness about going to school into panic.  
  
**from 'Breadbin':  
** Hey, I hope you are feeling better. Hayley and I wanna talk bout something during lunch, k?  
  
_Did Hayley tell him? She wouldn't, would she? Does he hate me now? Am I loosing my friends?_  
  
**to 'Breadbin':  
Okay.**

\---  
  
Josh was late to school, because he had sat on his bed for too long, overthinking Brendon's text and their talk at lunch. That's why he didn't get the chance to talk to them until he had history with Hayley. 

  
"Hey Josh. Didn't see you this morning....are you better?", she smiled her warm smile and Josh nodded, smiling back.

  
"Yeah, I'm fine again.", just as Hayley was about to answer, their teacher walked in.

  
"Better not mess with Mr. Willis", she smirked, "We'll talk at lunch", she smiled again before turning around to face their teacher.

  
Josh felt a little relieved, because Hayley seemed just as nice and caring as always. Maybe he did just overreact this morning. 'The talk will probably be about something else...maybe Sarah's Birthday?', Josh thought and tried to focus on what his teacher was rambling about.  
  
When the blue haired boy arrived at their lunch table, Brendon whispered something to Sarah and she quickly nodded and stood up to go sit with her other friends. Josh gulped, Brendon did look pretty serious and that's extremely rare for him.

  
"Sit down. We need to talk.", Josh felt his heart rate quicken again at Brendon's words. He seemed mad. 

  
Josh slowly sat down, facing his friends who were sitting next to each other, staring at him wordlessly.

  
"Uh, I-", Josh tried, but was shushed by Hayley.

  
"We are disappointed in you", she said, stern look on her face, "Don't worry, we aren't mad, just a little hurt."

  
"What did I do?", he didn't know what his friends could be disappointed about. He didn't do anything, did he?

  
"Okay, first: You told her you are gay but not me?", Brendon whisper shouted, trying to get his point across, but at the same time not wanting to attract attention.

  
Josh was speechless. Brendon didn't seem as if he cared that Josh was gay, but the boy felt betrayed by Hayley. _Did she really tell Brendon his biggest secret?!_

  
"And no, she didn't tell me", Brendon added, crossing his arms in front of his chest, "I figured it out myself"

  
"Uh, um, but how? I mean, I'm sorry, but I thought that you maybe...uh...", Josh stuttered, not knowing what to tell his friend and confused by how Brendon could've found out.

"Not to be rude, but I've known for a while. It's pretty damn obvious.", Brendon chuckled at the terrified face Josh made, "The giveaway was your little boyfriend though. The way you got nervous when I talked to you and how you two held hands when you thought I didn't see you anymore. That's also the second thing that made me mad. Why didn't you just tell us?"

"Uh....", Josh was speechless. He was only starting to process the fact that he apparently was more obviously gay than he thought and then Brendon tells him that he knows about Tyler? It all got a little too much and he felt a panic attack rising up in him. He couldn't breath properly and his vision became blurry.

Luckily his friends were able to identify his signs and Hayley immediately began trying to calm him down.

He felt her hand on his shoulder and recognized her voice, "Josh? Hey, it's okay. Breathe wth me, okay? In for 5 seconds, hold for 5, out for 5....", he tried to follow her instructions and it worked, "Yes, that's good, great Josh, you're doing great, again, in, hold, and out."

Slowly but surely he was able to breathe normally again and his vision was also back to normal. The first thing he really saw was Brendon's anxious face, looking as guilty as ever.

"Oh my god, Josh. I'm so sorry. I-I didn't mean to, I-, uh, I just didn't think it would freak you out that much..."

Josh reached over the table to squeeze Brendon's hand.

"It's fine, I just overreacted.", Josh rubbed the back of his neck nervously, "I, um, I just wasn't prepared for you to know about me and, uh, and Tyler. It's weird."

"You didn't overreact. I'd probably freak out as well if you did something like that to me.", Brendon still looked very guilty and worried.

"You feeling fine enough for class?", Hayley chimed in, looking at Josh with big eyes.

"Yeah. It's okay, really.", he smiled at his friends, "Are you really, uh, is it really no problem that I'm gay?", he looked at Brendon.

"Of course, man. I don't care if you like it up the ass...", he chuckled, earning a slap on the arm from Hayley and a blush from Josh.

"And when are we going to meet the boy that makes you all giddy?", Hayley giggled.

"But we already met him", Brendon said a little too loud, "Ow! Hayley could you please not hit me every few minutes?"

"We didn't know him as Josh's boyfriend, so that doesn't count. Also, Im going to hit you whenever you say something stupid, not my fault that that's every few minutes....", that statement earned her a fake pout and a middle finger from Brendon.

"Uh, Im going to ask him, but he's pretty busy with college at the moment....", Josh interrupted their little argument.

"Just tell us whenever he's free, I can't wait to officially meet the man that corrupted my innocent little Joshy", Brendon ruffled his hair.

Josh just groaned. Even though his friends were the most annoying people he ever met, they were also the most caring friends one could wish for. He was really lucky to have them and that they didn't care about his sexuality. He couldn't wait to introduce Tyler to them as his boyfriend.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this is so short, but I really wanted to publish a new chapter.


	9. Love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An annoying Brendon, meeting the friends and SMUT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going on vacation, so this will probably the last update for two weeks.

Because Brendon couldn't stop annoying Josh with asking when they'd meet Tyler (he asked about 100 times in not even 24 hours), Josh had enough on Saturday morning and texted Tyler if they could meet a little later in the day.

4 hours, and a very nerve racking car ride with Brendon, later, the three friends were seated in the coffee shop Tyler and Josh had met, waiting for Tyler. It was quite sunny and warm, so they chose to sit outside. Josh remembered what Tyler had gotten when they met, so he had ordered him the same thing already.

Even though they had only been waiting for a couple of minutes and their orders hadn't even been called yet, Brendon was getting impatient.

"Is he even coming?", he groaned.

Josh snorted, "Of course he is, but for a five year old, like you, waiting is apparently very hard"

"Brendon, shut up and don't embarrass Josh, I think he's coming", Hayley slapped Brendon's arm and smiled brightly in the direction where Tyler was jogging towards them.

"Ow! When are you finally gonna stop hurting me?", Brendon pouted and Hayley just responded with a plain 'never'.

Josh couldn't help but roll his eyes at his best friends. Before he could say anything, Tyler had arrived at the table.

"Hey, uh, I'm sorry I'm a little late-"

"You better be", interrupted Brendon.

"BRENDON!", hissed Josh and Hayley at the same time.

"Um, anyway, I got here as fast as I could."

"No problem, babe. We only had to wait a few minutes.", Josh gestured to the chair next to him and Tyler nodded, before sitting down.

"Okay, so, I mean we already kinda know each other, but again, nice to meet you, Brendon and...Hayley, right?", he smiled at Josh friends and got a high five from Brendon and a nod and a big grin from Hayley.

"We've already ordered, I got you what you drank when we met", Josh told his boyfriend.

"Speaking of, how have you two met? I mean it was here, obviously, but Josh never really told us a full story.", Hayley asked, Brendon nodding enthusiastically.

"Want me to tell, or do you wanna...?", Tyler looked at Josh questioningly.

"You are way better at telling stories", Josh smiled and intertwined his with Tyler's hand, that was laying on the table.

Brendon 'awwed' and opened his mouth to make a remark, but Hayley was faster, "So, this was the day Josh was 'sick' right?"

"Yeah. I was just getting my morning coffee and wanted to sit at my usual table, that one", he pointed at one of the tables inside the shop, "but a certain someone", he smirked at Josh, "was occupying it. I thought he looked interesting and I absolutely hate when my routine is mixed up, so I simply went over to him and asked if I could sit with him. He got all nervous and thought I wanted him to leave, it was so cute", Tyler chuckled. Josh went bright red and hid his face in Tyler's shoulder, while Brendon laughed.

"That sounds like Josh", the boy giggled.

"So, I sit down with him and we don't say a word, for like 5 minutes or whatever, before I finally get the courage to say something. The first thing that came to my mind was to ask him if he was still in school.", Brendon let out another laugh, "I know, not my best work, but we're here....Anyway, we talked about our favorite bands and I guess I shocked Josh with saying something about my ex-boyfriend and he got all nervous and weird and asked if I'm gay and when I told him yes, he basically told old me that he was gay as well and that he'd never told anyone. We exchanged phone numbers and went on our first date one or two days later. That's also when we first kissed. I just couldn't resist, I mean look at him, he's so perfect.", Tyler blushed and leaned over to Josh to press a quick kiss to his lips.

"You guys are my new OTP! Oh! I have one more question!", Brendon waved his hand excitedly, Hayley sighing at his behavior.

"Shoot", Josh chuckled, still a little red faced from Tyler's compliments.

"Did you guys fuck alrea-"

*slap*

"Hayley, why?", whined Brendon, holding his arm.

"Because you don't ask stuff like that!", she glared at him, but Tyler and Josh were just amused by Josh's weird acting friends.

"It's okay. No, we haven't.", Josh smiled, blushing again.

"And if you do, who wi-"

"Look Brendon our orders are ready, come and get them with me", interrupted Hayley his next inappropriate question. Brendon pouted, but stood up with her to go inside the shop and pick up theirs coffees.

"I'm sorry for having such weird friends", Josh chuckled, resting his head on Tyler's shoulder.

"Nah, they aren't any weirder than my friends, I mean, really? A blowjob with just a door separating them from us? That is weird"

"Okay, yeah, I'll give you that", Josh laughed, before looking up at Tyler and pecking him on the cheek. His boyfriend smiled at the affection.

"Okay, no more PDA, you lovebirds. Here's you're coffee.", Hayley and Brendon arrived at the table with their mugs, "Now I wanna know all about college", Hayley stated and with that, Tyler began telling stories from Basketball and parties and classes and before anyone even noticed, their coffees were empty and it was 5pm.

They all said their goodbyes and while they hugged, Brendon whispered to Tyler "If you hurt him, I'll get Hayley to hurt you".

Josh had asked his mom if he could stay at Tyler's, seeing it was Saturday and all, so he didn't go back with Brendon, but walked with Tyler to his house.

"You know, I'm really glad I'm out to my friends now. It feels good to have you meet them officially.", Josh smiled at Tyler and then at their intertwined hands.

"And were they surprised? No, they weren't. As I already told you, being out is great when you have a support system."

"Doesn't matter anyways", Josh mumbled, smiling at Tyler, "As long as I have you, I'm happy"

"Come here", Tyler pulled him close by the waist, their faces were inches apart. Josh closed the small gap and pressed his lips to Tyler's. He felt the older boys tongue on his lower lip and opened his mouth just enough to let it slip in. Tyler had his hands on Josh's waist, until one of them was sliding lower and eventually was placed on Josh's butt, making the younger one gasp into the kiss.

They kissed for at least a minute, before Josh pulled back, blushing.

"We should probably continue this in your room", he giggled and pecked Tyler's lips once again, before running off in the direction of the house.

"Hey! Wait!", Tyler laughed and ran after his boyfriend.

They arrived at his house out of breath and laughing loudly. Just as Tyler wanted to open the door, it swung open.

"Hello, boys.", said Tyler's mum, standing in the doorway and smiling brightly.

"Good evening, Mrs Joseph."

"Oh, uh, hey mum. Is it okay if Josh stays the night?"

"Of course, you even have the house to yourselves, because I was just about to join your father and siblings at your grandparents house.", Kelly said with a wink.

"Thanks, mum", Tyler answered, blushing at her suggestive undertone.

"Have fun. We'll be back at around midnight.", with that, she made her way to the car.

The boys slipped into the house and got rid of their jackets and shoes.

"Wanna go to your ro-", Josh turned around and was immediately pressed against the wall. Lips were on his and hands were cupping his face. Tyler pulled away and looked at him.

"Downstairs?", he asked and Josh nodded.

They couldn't get to the basement quick enough. Tyler even nearly fell down the stairs.

Once they had closed the door, they sat down on Tyler's bed.

"You are literally so clumsy", Josh giggled, making Tyler blush.

"Oh shut up, not like you are any better"

"Make me", Josh smirked, feeling a rush of confidence.

"Watch me"

The older boy pushed himself on top of Josh, making him lay on his back. Tyler straddled his hips and crashed their lips together hungrily. Only for a few seconds though, because he was already making his way down to Josh's neck. Last time, the marks he left were only barely visible and disappeared after a few hours, but this time he really wanted to make them last. So he began sucking and licking at Josh's neck, pulling gasps and little moans from the younger boy.

He continued to wordlessly mark Josh up, for a few minutes, before sitting back, taking in his boyfriends appearance.  
His hair was disheveled, his cheeks were flushed and little purple marks covered his throat. His lips were parted and he was breathing quickly.

"You are so pretty", he breathed, making Josh blush and giggle a little.

Tyler slipped his hands under Josh's shirt and started to run his fingers over the younger boys stomach.

"Would it be okay if I took that off?", he asked, obviously talking about the shirt.

"Course", Josh smiled and lifted his arms over his head, making it easier for Tyler to take rid him of his shirt.

Tyler threw it on the ground next to his bed and ran his hands over Josh's exposed chest. The blue haired boys breath hitched, when he felt Tyler's mouth on his chest, lips closing around his nipple. While Tyler licked and sucked on the rosy bud, his hands travelled further down, stopping just before Josh's waistband. He knew Josh had been hard from the moment Tyler had started giving him love bites, but he didn't go any lower, before asking for the younger boys consent. He pulled away and let his face hover inches above Josh's.

"Can I take your pants off? We can stop if you want...."

"Please. But take your shirt off first", Josh smiled his perfect smile at him _. Gosh, Tyler really was in too deep with this boy._

"Will do", Tyler chuckled and proceeded to pull his shirt of, throwing it in the direction of where Josh's had been discarded.

Josh moaned, _moaned,_  at the sight of a shirtless Tyler and bucked his hips up slightly. Tyler was struggling not to rip his and Josh's remaining clothes off then and there and fuck the younger boy into the mattress, but he held back. He was Josh's first everything and he wanted to go slow and be careful and as loving as possible with the boy.

He ran his hands over Josh's abs and slowly lowered them to his lower belly, right above where his jeans began. He stopped and looked a Josh once again.

"Take them off already", the younger boy whined and pressed his hips against Tyler's.

"Someone's eager.", he chuckled, "You sure though? I don't want you to regret it later"

"I won't"

Tyler nodded and got up from straddling Josh, to kneeling inbetween his legs. He eyed the bulge in his boyfriends pants with a smirk, before unbuttoning his jeans and sliding them down his legs. He looked up at Josh and noticed that a blush had crept onto his face. Tyler found him being so inexperienced absolutely adorable. He brought his eyes back to Josh's boxers and slowly began to palm him through the thin fabric. Josh groaned loudly.

"Shit!", let the younger one slip out, before moaning at the friction Tyler was providing. He smirked.

"Can I blow you?", Tyler asked innocently and chuckled at the face Josh made. His eyes were wide and he looked like a deer caught in the headlights. He whimpered and nodded eagerly. 

"please", it was barely a whisper.

Tyler chuckled again at how cute and insecure Josh was, before dipping his head to Josh's crotch and pulling down his boxers. He admired Josh's dick for a few seconds, before starting to mouth at his inner thighs and running his fingers over the scars on his hips. After a minute and very desperate sounding whimpers from Josh, he decided that he had teased him long enough.

The brunet slowly licked up Josh's shaft, making the boy whiteknuckle the bedsheets. He lost it, when Tyler sucked his tip into his mouth, his tongue swirling around it. Josh moaned loudly and muttered curse words under his quick breaths. He groaned when Tyler pulled off. He didn't have long to question his boyfriends actions, because his dick was suddenly in Tyler's mouth, the older boy was bobbing his head and his tongue was working wonders. Josh squeezed his eyes shut and cursed Tyler for being so incredibly good at this, because he knew that he wouldn't last very much longer. As if Tyler had sensed it, he let Josh hit the back of his throats and started humming around him.

"Fuck-", Josh grabbed Tyler's hair and pulled slightly, "I-I'm....if...urgh", was all Josh managed, but Tyler seemed to have understood, because he smirked, _fucking smirked,_ with Josh's dick in his mouth and started to suck and lick even harder.

"I'm gonna...", with that it was too late and Josh came into Tyler's mouth, who stilled and swallowed, before pulling off. He stroked Josh once or twice, making him groan in overstimulation.

"How was that?", he smirked at a disheveled and bright crimson faced Josh.

"S'was so good, Ty"

"I'll get something to clean you up", Tyler stated and stood up to fetch a washcloth. He cleaned Josh and his hand, before being pulled on top of his boyfriend. The brunet chuckled and planted a kiss on Josh's forehead. 

"You tired now?"

Josh nodded, eyes closed, a smile on his lips.

"Love you, Ty", Tyler's eyes widened at the words. Josh probably didn't even notice that he had let that slip out, because he was in such a sleepy post-orgasm state, but Tyler still whispered and 'I love you' back.

 

 

 


	10. Brothers, Scarfs and Embarrassment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been gone for so long and I'm so sorry! I was on vacation, then I had writers block and my mental health was deteriorating and after that I had to apply for uni....Sorry for the long break, but I am back now. This is just a short filler chapter, but I hope you'll like it anyway.
> 
> Thanks for sticking around, comments and kudos are appreciated as always. 
> 
> <3 |-/

Tyler was woken up by a knock on his door. He was still half asleep and didn't really think about his naked boyfriend lying under the covers with him, when he croaked a 'come in' at whoever was interrupting his sleep. 

A few seconds later, the door opened and his brother's head appeared. He looked at Tyler, then at Josh. 

"Mum wants you upstairs for breakfast.", he smirked, "You fucked, didn't you?"

Tyler rolled his eyes, "We'll be there in a few"

"Tell him to get dressed fir-Ow!"

"Get out before I throw something other than the pillow"

"Okay, okay, no need to be so aggressive", with that Zack was out of the basement again.

Tyler turned to Josh and was met with a heavenly sight. His boyfriend was still fast asleep, his mouth hanging open slightly. It was the cutest thing Tyler had ever seen.  
He nudged Josh lightly, trying to wake him gently. He didn't react.

"Babe", he caressed his cheek.

"Baaaabe", Josh stirred a little.

"C'mon Jish, Breakfast is rea-"

"Did someone say breakfast?", the younger shot up and stared at Tyler with wide eyes. The elder couldn't keep himself from laughing.

"I should be offended...I try to wake you and you completely ignore me, but when food is mentioned, you suddenly are wide awake.", Tyler giggled, "You really only care about food."

Josh put on his best fake pout at that, "That's not true...I only care about food AND you."

Tyler blushed a little, still giggling and leaned over Josh, to steal a quick peck. The other one wasn't having that though, he didn't let Tyler pull away, but held him down by his shoulders and deepened the kiss. Tyler gasped and kissed back eagerly. He rolled on top of Josh, straddling him and cupping his cheeks with his hands. He was suddenly very aware that he was only in boxers and Josh was butt naked. 

His thoughts were interrupted by a tongue in his mouth and two hands grabbing his ass. He let out a quiet moan and in return slipped one of his hands between the two and ran it over Josh's chest, squeezing his peck and pinching his nipple slightly. He could clearly feel Josh's excitement now. Out of nowhere, he pulled away and jumped off Josh and out of the bed. Josh looked at him, obviously confused, and opened his mouth to say something, but Tyler was already throwing his boxers at him and pulling on a pair of sweatpants.

"What are you doing, Ty? You can't just leave me like that!", Josh groaned in annoyance, but put on the boxers anyway.

"Course I can, because my whole family is upstairs waiting for us and I think they'd appreciate not hearing their son or brother have sex before breakfast...", he smirked.

"I-I can't go up there now!", Josh pouted and crossed his arms in front of his chest, like an angry child, "I'm not facing your family while I have a ... problem!", he was blushing furiously now.

"Yes you are! Just put on a long shirt and some of my sweats and no one's gonna notice", Tyler turned to his closet again, pulling out a longsleeve and some thick sweatpants for Josh to wear, "These should fit"

That's how Josh ended up sitting at the Joseph's kitchen table, his legs crossed and a slight blush tinting his cheeks, while his boyfriends family was discussing their plans for the weekend.  
Sadly, he had abandoned his schoolwork in the past weeks, due to spending so much time with Tyler or thinking about Tyler, when he was supposed to study. That's why they weren't able to continue where they had left off, once breakfast was finished, Josh headed home immediately after his mother called, reminding him of an unfinished essay.

While Tyler was driving Josh home, their hands intertwined on Josh's thigh, the elder noticed something, that both had apparently completely forgotten: the hickeys on Josh's neck and throat. He must've made some sort of noise, because Josh raised his eyebrows in a silent question on why Tyler was staring at him. Tyler turned to the street before him again and let out a chuckle.

"Do I have something on my face?", Josh asked, trying to sound annoyed but not quite succeeding.

"Not on your face...", Tyler giggled and Josh raised an eyebrow. He craned his neck to look in the rearview mirror and when he saw what Tyler had been talking about, his face grew a shade of red.

"Oh god, how embarrassing.", the younger groaned, before nudging Tyler, "This is your fault!"

"I may have produced them, but I clearly remember you not being opposed to having them when I gave you these yesterday...", Tyler smirked and turned to Josh as he stopped at a redlight. 

"Still your fault....oh frick! How am I gonna explain these to my parents? And your family must've seen them! Shit, why didn't I think about that earlier?"

"Hey, calm down. It's gonna be fine...Here, my sister left her scarf in my car a few months ago, just put that on and say your throat hurts or whatever, until you can cover them up with make up.", Tyler reached in the backseat and pulled out a black scarf. 

"Thanks. I guess I could probably steal one of my sister's concealer. Still, your parents and your siblings must've seen them. What are they going to think now!?"

"Don't worry about them, my parents really don't care what we get up to and you know that. I'm an adult after all. And my siblings get all excited about me having a boyfriend. This morning, when you were asleep, Zack came in to wake us and the first thing he asked was if we had fucked...", Tyler chuckled at Josh's facial expression.

"What? Are you trying to calm me down or do you want to kill me with making me even more embarrassed?", the younger shrieked with wide eyes.

"He was just being funny...I'm trying to tell you that no one cares about what we do, not my siblings, not my parents, they've seen way worse, so don't get nervous about them seeing your hickeys, okay?"

Josh sighed, "Okay. I guess."

They stopped in front of Josh's house.

"Kiss?", Tyler smiled sheepishly.

"You think you deserve one?", Josh retorted.

"Since when have you gotten so confident? I remember you being all shy and cute and now? That's not what I've signed up for!", Tyler laughed, making Josh roll his eyes.

"Shut up", he smiled, "still up for that kiss?"

Tyler nodded and leaned over to quickly peck Josh.

"Now. Get out and write that essay. Make me proud!", the elder said dramatically, Josh giggling at his antics.

"Okayyyy, but just to make you proud", he slipped out of his seat and out of the car.

"See you", Tyler grinned, while Josh turned around, walking to his front door. When he arrived, he turned to the street once again, giving Tyler a small wave, before his boyfriend started the car again and drove away.


	11. What would he do without his friends?

Josh spent nearly every minute of his Sunday writing the essay, finishing just before his mom called him down for dinner. He was halfway down the stairs when he remembered that he had taken the scarf off earlier and rushed past his irritated sister, to get it from his room before anyone saw the marks Tyler had left.

Josh was chewing a piece of broccoli, when his brother proudly announced that he had a girlfriend now.

"Oh honey, that's great! What's her name?", beamed his mother, enthusiastic as ever.

"Caroline", Jordan smiled, "she's in my grade"

"I'm so happy for you, son", commented his father, patting him on the back.

"How long have you been together?", asked Abigail.

"Just about two weeks"

"Why didn't you tell us sooner then?"

"Mooom! I'm 15, I don't have to inform my parents immediately about everything that's going on in my life..."

Josh tuned out after that. Of course he was happy for his brother, but a certain sadness settled in, when he realized that he'd maybe never be able to have a conversation like this with his family. What if they didn't accept him? What if everything would change after his coming out? Thoughts like that could easily keep him up for hours at night, the fear of rejection never really leaving him alone, not even when he was with Tyler.

"...Earth to Josh! Hey!", a hand was being waved in front of his face. The hand belonged to Ashley.

"Oh, uh, sorry, what?", he looked around the table to find his siblings smirking knowingly and his parents looking at him, their faces displaying confusion.

"You're mother is wondering why you are wearing a scarf to dinner? It's not even cold outside...", his father spoke.

"I, uh...", he coughed a little, "Since I got home I haven't really been feeling well, my throat's a little sore and I have a small cough."

His mother raised an eyebrow, "Why didn't you tell me earlier? You should head to bed then, I'll bring you some tea in a few minutes, we don't want you sick tomorrow, do we?"

Josh nodded and quickly stood up, blushing a little, but glad that his lie went through.  
His mother brought him tea and luckily didn't see the marks on his throat in the relative darkness of his bedroom.  
He wasn't able to sleep until about 2am though, despite the tea, because his brain decided to call him a bunch of ugly names and tell him that no one will love him, if he comes out and that really did the job of keeping him up. He resisted his self destructive urges anyway and that made him a little proud of himself, when he woke up in the morning. 

He made sure to put on a longsleeve (no, his family didn't know about his bad habit and he'd like to keep it that way) and the scarf, before stepping out of his bedroom.  
His right foot was already on the top step of the staircase, Josh heading downstairs to get breakfast, when his arm was being gripped from behind and he was pulled into his sisters' room.

"H-hey! What are you doing?!", he scoffed at his two younger sisters, who stood in front of him, arms crossed, stern looks on their faces.

"Show us your neck.", demanded Abigail.

"Why should I?", shot back Josh, heading towards the door.

"We'll tell mom and dad if you don't", that made him stop and turn around again. Ashely grinned, clearly satisfied with her blackmailing skills.

"What? That I'm sick?", he tried.

Abbie rolled her eyes, "Do you really think we're that oblivious?"

"Um..."

"Don't answer that!", growled Ashley, "You know exactly that we mean the hickeys that some girl gave you on the weekend..."

A blush crept on Josh's face.

"Okay, okay...", he pulled off his scarf and immediately his little sisters rushed forward to inspect the purple-blueish marks on his throat.

"Wow.", spoke Abbie. Josh assumed that she'd probably never seen hickeys in real life, due to her young age.

"Want us to help you cover them up?", proposed Ashley and Josh nodded furiously.

"Please, this scarf is getting really annoying."

The sisters got to work, not without asking more questions that made Josh tell lies and blush, and about 10 minutes later his neck looked like it had never even been touched by a mouth. He didn't really like the absence of the marks, they reminded him of Tyler after all, but it was better than wearing the scarf all day every day for the next week.

\---

Josh arrived to his first class just on time, sweating and panting. But at least he made it. He quickly went to his seat, next to Brendon. The raven haired boy smirked at Josh and his eyes went to his neck.

"So, you and Tyler had fun after our meet up?", Brendon whispered, trying not to catch the attention of their teacher. He was still eyeing Josh's neck.

"Uh, wha-what makes you think that?", Josh blushed and rubbed at his neck self consciously.

"Just the hickeys that were probably once covered in make up, that you apparently sweated off and now are rubbing off", Brendon chuckled, turning to face the front of the classroom again.

"Shit, shit, shit!", Josh didn't swear often, but this was more than inconvenient, "My parents will ask every question they can think off if they see these. You think Hayley has some concealer or something?"

"I guess so.", Brendon shrugged, "You did it, didn't you?"

The question made blood rush to Josh's face instantly and it was nearly  
impossible to hide the smile that had crept on his face.

"Noooo", he giggled, "Not really"

"Give me every detail. Right. Now.", demanded Brendon, leaning over the gap between their tables.

"It was right after we came ba-"

"Mr. Dun, Mr.Urie, I am teaching something here, is it too hard for two seniors to be quiet for the duration of my class?"

"Guess this has to wait...OF COURSE we are listening, Mrs. Gregor.", Brendon gave their teacher the biggest smile. She sighed and went back to whatever topic she had been talking about.  
Josh and Brendon didn't want to risk a detention and waited until lunch for Josh to tell his story, 'I don't want Hayley to miss it', as Brendon put it.

A few minutes into lunch period, the three friends were seated at their usual table. Brendon chewing on a sandwich that did look older than he was, Hayley inspecting her eyeliner in her pocket mirror and Josh with perfectly concealed lovebites, thanks to his orange haired friend.

"So, Josh. Brendon told me that you slept with Tyler, but he is an idiot-" 

"Hey?!"

"Anyway, you didn't, did you?", Hayley stared at Josh, expecting him to answer. He was a little perplexed, but quickly recovered.

"No, of course not."

"He just gave you these hickeys then?", she smirked.

"Why is she allowed to ask stuff like that, but when I do, it's 'inappropriate'?", Brendon pouted and gave Hayley an angry look.

"Will you guys actually let me talk, or do you want to answer your own questions?", the blue haired boy rolled his eyes. When his two friends didn't say anything, he continued, "We, uh, we basically went back to his house on Saturday, his parents were gone" (Brendon whistled at that) "and then, um , we made out a little, nothing interesting really", he said, blushing.

"Why is your face so red then?", came the remark from Hayley.

"Okaaay, we might have done a little more than kiss..."

"Joshie got his first blowjob! They grow up so fast!", shouted Brendon, making some of the people surrounding them, look at the group.

"I didn't say that!", hissed Josh, embarrassed by his large forheaded friend.

"But it's still what happened!"

Josh groaned, "Alright, yeah, can we drop it now?"

"I'm so proud of you", beamed Brendon and Hayley chuckled and congratulated Josh on 'becoming a man' which made Brendon spit out his juice all over Josh's food.

What would he do without his friends?


	12. Cleveland and a Mouth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this fic hasn’t been updated in forever, but I had zero ideas and motivation to write a new chapter. This is a short one, I hope I’ll update again soon. Love u guys, thanks for sticking around. <3

The days until Friday went by horribly slowly. Josh didn’t get to see Tyler at all throughout the week, because the elder had two essays due and had been forced by his friends to promise them that they’d go out Thursday night. 

Josh understood that it was stupid to miss Tyler as much as he was missing him when they’d only seen each other on Sunday, but he couldn’t help it. He craved seeing Tyler’s smile and hearing his voice in person and holding his hand and, of course, kissing him.

So one could imagine how happy Josh was when Friday morning had finally come and it were only a few more hours until he would see his boyfriend again.  
They’d agreed to eat at a diner with Tyler’s friends and go see a movie afterwards.

During lunch Josh’s thoughts had already left the busy school and wandered into Tyler’s calming arms, while Josh was still stuck in the cafeteria.

He snapped out of his daydreams when he noticed a hand being waved wildly in front of his face.

“Earth to Josh?! Heeeelllloooo!“, he recognized Brendon’s voice and turned to the source on his right.

“We’d appreciate it if you’d listen to us just for a minute, then you can go back to thinking about your precious Tyler“, grinned Hayley.

Josh’s ears went pink. Was he really that obvious?

“Sure. Uh, what is it?“

“Hayley, Sarah and I had the best fucking idea of all time, yesterday!“, exclaimed Brendon loudly before Hayley had even time to open her mouth properly.

“I’m kinda scared to ask...”, chuckled Josh, knowing that if Brendon was so enthusiastic about something it would either be disastrous or fantastic.

“We had the idea tha-“, began Haley but was once again interrupted.

“We’re going to drive to Cleveland next weekend and have the time of our lives!”

“Oooookay....and why exactly do we go there? And why are you a so excited about it, Beebo?”, Josh asked with a raised brow.

Just as Brendon started to speak again, Sarah arrived at the table and stuck her tongue down his throat, which made it possible for Hayley to speak without getting interrupted.

“We know that even though you have Tyler now, you were having a rough time and that’s why we thought it would be nice to take a little trip together. Tyler can come if he wants to....”, she gave him a wide smile.

“You guys are the best”, Josh stood and leaned over the table to kiss Hayley on the cheek.

“I want one too!”, came from Brendon who had just stopped kissing Sarah.

“Hey Josh”, came from the dark haired girl, along with a toothy grin.

Brendon whined and pouted at not being given attention, so Josh quickly pecked him on the cheek.

-

Josh really had to hold back when he opened the door and Tyler stood on the porch, looking cute as hell, wearing a fricking bow tie. It took him all of his willpower not to jump in his arms and kiss the life out of him then and there. But the thought of his parents seeing them made him able to wait until they were in Tyler’s car and a block away from his house before he leaned over at a red light and kissed his boyfriend until the light turned green again. 

“Well, I guess you missed me just just as much as I missed you.“, the older chuckled after they had pulled apart. 

“Nah. Just your mouth…“, Josh shrugged with a big fat grin on his face.

“Maybe I’ll give you a different reason to miss my mouth later.If you behave.“

That made blood rise to Josh’s cheeks and Tyler laugh at how easy it was to fluster him. He laughed even more when Josh pulled his jacket into his lap.

This was gonna be an exciting night.


	13. diner shenanigans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't proof read the whole thing so sorry for any mistakes.  
> I'll try to upload the next chapter as soon as possible and I hope you enjoy this one.  
> PS: I'm in love with the new songs. II-//

Pete’s laugh was the first thing Josh noticed when he stepped into the stuffy diner, along with the smell of old eggs and grease. An ancient jukebox was playing Wham! songs in the background.  
The man was sitting in a booth near the entrance, still giggling when Patrick pulled him in for a quick kiss.

„Hey assholes!“, greeted Tyler them while him and Josh slid into the seats opposite the couple.  
„Good evening to you too, kind sir.“, replied Pete, signature toothy grin on his face.  
Josh just smiled shyly, still slightly intimidated by Tylers friends and their boldness.  
„Hey Joshie boy, havent seen you since we hung out at Pete’s! How are you?“, asked Patrick with a smile, leaning forward a little so that his chest touched the edge of the table.  
„I’m doing great actually“, he answered and turned his head to grin at his boyfriend before facing Patrick again, „What about you two?“.  
„Patty here is treating me as good as always.“, uttered Pete before the red head could even open his mouth, „In fact, we just got this new vib-„  
„Shhhh!“, Patrick hissed while throwing a hand over Pete’s mouth.  
„Dear god, please keep the details of your sex life from us!“, groaned Tyler, „I’m so sorry J, we’ve been here not even 5 minutes and they are already talking about sex.“  
„I’m not!“, exclaimed Patrick while pointing at a sulking Pete, „It’s not my fault he’s so innapropriate all the time.“  
„It’s no problem, really. On the contrary: I find it quite entertaining.“, giggled the youngest, cheeks and ears as pink as his lips.  
„Look at our Joshie..so well spoken!“, sighed Patrick dramatically, making Josh blush even harder.  
Tyler smiled and pulled Josh towards him to kiss him on the cheek, then he addressed Pete again, „Is Dallon coming? Or is this a double date?“  
„He should be here any minute. But let’s not wait for him with ordering, I’m getting hangry.“

They quickly looked through the menu and ordered two large oreo milkshakes, some fries and a big serving of onion rings. 

Just as their food had arrived at the table, Dallon entered through the creaking door and started looking around the diner in search of his friends.  
Pete, shameless as he is, stood up and flamboyantly waved both of his hands while shouting „Dally! We are over here!“.  
Dallon quickly walked over to their table and rolled his eyes while sliding into a seat next to Patrick.  
„If you haven’t noticed it yet, I’m really tall Pete. I had already seen you, you didn’t have to attract everyones attention...“, hissed Dallon in Pete’s direction, his face blood red from embarrassment.  
„I think the amount of gayness that radiates from this table is enough to attract attention“, said Pete just loud enough to turn a few heads.  
A group of guys in their early twenties looked them up and down before getting back to their food.  
„I really don’t know why I’m friends with you people“, groaned Tyler, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands.  
After a moment of silence Patrick began to giggle, followed by Tyler and a lightly confused Josh. A few seconds later Pete and Dallon joined them and the whole group was shaking with laughter.  
A minute or two went by until they had calmed down.  
„Why can’t we ever have a normal conversation?“, asked Patrick with a smile.  
„Dunno, but life’s too serious anyway, I like hanging out with you and just being silly“, chuckled Dallon.  
„Even though I’m embarrassing?“  
„Yes, Pete, even though you are EXTREMELY embarassing.“

They went back to eating their food and while he and Tyler were sharing their oreo milkshake, Josh piped up „Guys? Can I ask you something?“  
„Did you just assume my gender?“  
„Wh-what?“  
„Oh c’mon Pete give him a break, he’s new to this!“, Tyler said while pulling Josh into his side, „Don’t let him irritate you, babe. Just say what you wanted to say“, he assures him with a smile.  
Josh nodded and continued, „Tyler has told me how he did it, but how did you guys come out to your families? I, uh, I kinda wanna start telling more people soon and I have no clue how to do that...“  
„Uuuhhh can I start? I wanna start!“, shouted Pete while snapping his finger like he’s the only one in math class who knows how to solve a really hard equation.  
„Why no-...“, Josh tried to answer but Pete didn’t even let him finish.  
„So I was about thirteen when I discovered that I like boys. At first I had a hard time accepting it but when I was like fifteen I saw this gay couple holding hands at the mall and that’s when I knew that it will be fine and that I will have that as well one day.“, he stopped for a moment to smile at Patrick,  
„Shortly after that I came home from school one day and my parents were sitting in the living room looking at my laptop. The way they looked at me when I came in made me sense something was up. After I had sat down my mum showed me the screen and yep, they had found my browser history.“  
„Your parents found porn on your computer?“, gasped Josh, looking slightly terrified.  
„Of course that’s what you’d expect from me, but actually no. I had been researching how to start a GSA and how to come out to my parents. The only thing my mom said was ‚We love you so much’ and then my dad agreed and we all hugged and that was basically it. I was horrified by the very thought of telling them but after they had reacted that well and I had thought about it a little bit, I had always known that they’d react like this.I’m really lucky to have such accepting parents.“  
„Well, uh that doesn’t sound bad at all...have any of your parents reacted badly?“  
„Now my parents are really okay with the whole gay thing as well, and they love Pete, but when they found out they freaked a little. In my case they actually did find porn on our family PC. And with me being the only teenage guy in the house it was kinda obvious to them that it was mine. My dad shouted at me for half an hour before they sent me to my room. We didnt speak for like a week before they assured me that it probably was just a phase...it was only when I got my first boyfriend when I was eighteen that they started to accept me being gay as a fact.“  
„That must’ve been hard.“, mumbled Josh.  
„I think it was mainly that bad in the beginning because they found out a really unfortunate way. Had I told them it probably would have been better from the start. Don’t worry about it, even if they react badly, you still got your sugar daddy and us“, said Patrick with a wink at the end while leaning over the table to clap Josh on the shoulder.  
„See babe? I told you you got nothing to worry about. If all of us could do it then you can too.“, Tyler said with a gentle smile before leaning in and quickly pecking Josh’s lips.  
„I guess...thanks for making me alittle less nervous about the whole thing.“  
„No problem, anything to help the gaybies.“, chuckled Pete.  
„Gaybies?“, asked Josh with a confused expression.  
„Gay babies.“, said Tyler while ruffling his boyfriends hair, „You got a lot to learn.“  
Josh blushed once again and after another round of giggles everyone continued to eat and talk until it was time to leave for the movie. 

They hadn’t planned on what movie they were going to see, but when they stood in the entrance of the movie theatre and Dallon spotted a ‚Love, Simon’ poster an immediate decision was made.  
„What’s the movie about anyway?“, questioned Josh his boyfriend while they sat in their seats waiting for the film to start.  
„You haven’t heard of ‚Love, Simon’?“, chimed in Pete who was sitting on Josh’s other side, „Are you even gay?“  
„Oh trust me, he is“, told Tyler him with a wink that made Pete wolf whistle before facing Josh again, „It’s about this dude who is in High School and gay and he meets this other gay guy online and they start having like an online relationship and then he gets blackmailed by someone who threatens to out him. I’ve read the book, it’s great. You’ll love it, trust me.“  
„Sounds interesting. I didn’t know that gay movies are in normal cinemas now. I used to watch Broke Back Mountain on Netflix every weekend...“, said the younger with pink cheeks.  
„It’s the first gay teenage romcom that is this popular. It’s huge and it has helped lots of people to come out.“  
„Wow, that makes me really happy. Seems like we are having a very gay day and I love it.“, giggled Josh, earning himself a very deep kiss, tongue and all.  
„It will get even gayer once we’re at my place, trust me.“, whispered Tyler into his ear after they had pulled away.  
Before Josh could respond the previews started and he went with simply leaning into Tyler’s side and looking forward to the movie and whatever shenanigans would ensue afterwards.


	14. Love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically just fluffy smut.  
> enjoy ;)

Josh wasn’t really able to explain how they ended up like this so quickly after leaving the movies but he had more important things to focus on anyways. (And by things I mean Tyler)

The pair was currently making out on Tyler’s bed, Josh lying on top of his boyfriend and most of their clothes discarded on the floor.   
He was trying to detach his mouth from Tyler’s to ask him something about the movie, when he felt a hand slip into the back of his boxers. 

Josh’s reaction was not the best: he bit his boyfriends lip out of surprise.  
The hand was pulled out of his boxers apruptly.

„Ow! Fucking hell“, cussed Tyler while giving Josh stank-eye.

„Sorry“, the younger replied, rubbing his neck not knowing what else to say.

„Why did you bite me?“

„I was just, uhm, surprised about...uh...you, uhm“, stuttered Josh, shifting in Tyler’s lap, head tilted and staring at his knee.

„About where my hand was going?“, laughed the elder while feeling his lip with his tongue, „If you don’t feel comfortable with something I am doing, please just tell me. You don’t have to hurt me in order to get your point across, you know?“

„It’s not that I didn’t like it, it was just unexpected.“, a blush was making it’s way onto the blue haired boy’s face.

His boyfriends still slightly concerned expression changed into an amused one.

„So you did like where this was going?“

„I guess I wouldn’t mind if we continued where we left off...“

Before Josh could even finish his sentence there was a mouth on his and hands on his lower back.   
Tyler was pulling him closer so that their torsos were pressed against each other. In a slow movement he rolled his hips once, hard enough to make Josh whimper into his mouth.  
He slowly let his hand wander lower until it stopped at the hem of the younger’s boxers.

„You sure about this?“, questioned the elder after he had pulled away from the kiss.

„Hmmm, yes“, sighed Josh with a nod of his head, eyes half closed and focused on Tyler’s.

After he now had permission, Tyler let his right hand go lower again, slipping under the soft fabric of his boyfriend’s underwear. He grabbed a handful of Josh’s butt while grinding upwards.   
Josh leaned into the touch while trying to meet the other boy’s hips at the same time.

Tyler didn’t waste anytime and pulled down the younger’s boxers, so that his butt was exposed. 

„Would it be okay if I flipped us over? This angle isn’t really working...“, grinned the older one and did das he had proposed after Josh had nodded enthusiastically.

After a few seconds of tangled limbs and giggles, the couple was in a more practical position for what they both knew was coming next.   
Josh was lying flat on his stomach and Tyler was on top of him, slowly easing down his boxers.

After his own underwear was off as well, he leaned over Josh and kissed the back of his neck where his hair was getting all curly. He ran his right hand down the younger’s back while holding himself up with the left arm.   
Josh let out a content sigh when Tyler’s hand had reached his butt and whimpered at his boyfriend’s fingers dipping between his cheeks. 

Tyler was fascinated by Josh getting so riled up when he wasn’t even doing anything yet. He smirked when he noticed that the younger was slighlty humping the bed, probably without even realising.

„M-more“, came the whispered request from where Josh had his face buried in the sheets.

„If you are sure...?“, spoke Tyler and got up when he received a mumbled ‚yes’.

He had never seen Josh sit up more quickly. 

„Where are you going?“, he asked while staring at his boyfriend with big eyes. 

Tyler had the urge to kiss him to death because he was being so adorable, but he went with answering the question instead.

„I’m going to my closet to get some lube, unless you changed your mind?“

Josh’s face had turned beet red the moment he heard the word ‚lube’.  
He shook his head to signal that he didn’t chnage his mind and Tyler turned around to fetch the small bottle he stored in his underwear drawer. 

The box of condoms lying next to it caught his eye and he had to keep himself from grinning like a lovesick idiot as he realised that some time in the near future he and Josh would most likely have sex. The thought made him feel all giddy and incredibly happy.

He snapped out of it when he heard a whine come from his bed.

„Coming!“, he said as he shut the drawer and turned around.

„Already?“, chuckled Josh, a little suprised at his own confidence.

Tyler rolled his eyes jokingly and jumped onto the bed to kiss Josh with a new found fervor.  
He felt himself get more turned on and when Josh’s dick brushed against his, he pulled back.

„Lay down again“, he uttered between heavy breaths.

Wordlessly the younger complied and as soon as he was in position again, Tylers hands where on his ass and his mouth kissing down his back. Josh was squirming from all of the sensations, but as suddenly as they had appeared they were gone again. 

He was just about to complain, when he heard the cap of a bottle being opened and the sound of something wet being squeezed out of said bottle.

Just seconds later Tyler’s hot breath was tickling his hear, „Please tell me when it’s getting too much“

In that moment a wave of anxiety washed over Josh with the realisation of ‚Shit, this is really going to happen. There’s gonna be fingers in my ass.’

But he knew that he was ready and that he didn’t want to do this with anyone but Tyler. He didn’t have to be scared. 

„Please...want...“, was all he got out but it was enough for Tyler to position himelf between Josh’s knees and pull his ass up into the air a little. With his left hand he spread the younger’s cheeks a little while his right pointer finger began circling Josh’s hole. 

The lube was still a little cold and made Josh shiver but that quickly subsided when the finger pressed into him and buried itself to the knuckle in Josh’s ass.   
The feeling was new (okay he had tried fingering himself once or twice, but having someone else do it was a world’s difference), but awesome and he couldn’t help but push back a little to show that he wanted more.

„Someone seems to like that.“, teased Tyler lovingly before pulling out his finger, „The first usually never hurts but the second could feel a little much, just tell me if you want to stop“, after that he didn’t waste time to push in two fingers and Josh immediately knew what Tyler had meant. 

The two fingers didn’t glide in as easily as the first one had and he definetely felt it way more now. The feeling wasn’t really bad, just a little....uncomfortable at first.

The older boy did a great job at distracting Josh though and with Tyler’s hand stroking him, he didn’t even notice the third finger slipping in after a few minutes.

But he did notice the fingers inside him brush against his prostate and as a result he let out an extremly embarrassing moan that Tyler would definetely tease him about later.

„Shit, shit, shit!“, cussed the blue haired boy while his hands grabbed the sheets beneath him, his eyes srewed shut, spit pooling at the corner of his mouth and gliding down his chin. He had lost control and oh, how good it felt to let go.

Tyler was loosing control over himself as well and when Josh made those dirty noises he didn’t have any choice but to start jerking himself off with the hand that had stroked his boyfriends dick just moments before.

The boys’ breaths were loud in the otherwise quiet room while Josh rubbed himself against the mattress and Tyler was jerking off, his other hand fingering his boyfriend. 

They spoke at the same time.

„I want to see your face“, said Tyler.

„Please, w-wanna see .. you“, stuttered Josh.

If they hadn’t been so lost in their arousal they probably would have laughed at how they had thought exactly the same thing at the exact same moment.

Much to Josh’s disappointment Tyler removed his fingers o flip him over, but that was quickly forgotten when he used that hand to take both of their dicks and stroke them together. 

The younger drove his nails into Tyler’s back and kissed him deeply.

When he pulled back he was close to crying because of how incredibly loved he felt. There was this unimaginable closeness between them that he had never even thought possible.

That was Josh’s last thought before his body started twitching and he came all over Tyler’s fist, his dick and his own stomach. The hand around them didn’t stop moving though and the feeling of overstimulation made Josh shiver and bury his face in the other’s sweaty shoulder.

It only took one or two more strokes for the elder to tip over the edge as well and when he came with a loud groan he also let an „I love you“ slip out. 

Tyler had collapsed onto the bed next to Josh and closed his eyes when he heard a quiet „I love you too“ whispered into his ear. His eyes flew open, because yeah, he had said it before and Josh had also kinda mumbled it the last time post-orgasm, but this was the real first ‚I love you-I love you too’ moment for them.

He quickly turned his head to see if Josh was serious and was met with big brown eyes that looked at him with so much love in them that he couldn’t help but say it again.

„I love you so much“, he exlclaimed little louder than he had intended which made him blush and Josh giggle.

The latter ran his hands through Tyler’s hair and kissed him with swollen lips.

„I love you more“

„Not possible!“

„Tyler Robert Joseph, do you really want to argue with me about that?“

„Nah, I’d rather make out a little more“

And that’s what they did. In fact, they didn’t really detach their lips for another hour before they started to hurt from all the kissing.


	15. heart to heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of self harm, depression
> 
> My mental health hasn't been the best once again lately so this is kind of a vent chapter and a lot of Josh's experience is similar to what I experienced in the past when my depression was really bad.

Josh didn’t see Tyler for the rest of the weekend after leaving his house on Saturday morning. The memories of their night helped him get through two essays and a math assignment, though. The essays weren’t due for another week but because of the planned trip to Cleveland he had to sacrifice some alone time with his boyfriend in order to get them done a week early.

Monday came and went without anything out of the ordinary happening, the only interesting part about the day had been an hour long phone call with Tyler before Josh went to bed.  
Tuesday wasn’t any more interesting, but Josh had to suppress this feeling of sudden sadness that weighed him down more and more throughout the day. He chose to ignore it.

When he woke up Wednesday morning he realised that maybe just ignoring the grey cloud hovering above his head had been a mistake because he felt even heavier than the day before and the sadness had been replaced by an emptiness that seemed to swallow him whole.  
He barely made it out of bed and into the bathroom. It took a great effort to start brushing his teeth and when the toothbrush slipped out of his hand and fell to the floor he wasn’t even suprised when he started bawling. He sank to his knees and buried his face in his hands, snot and tears running down his face.  
He knew exactly what was going on but that didn’t make him feel any better. Josh cursed himself for ignoring the early signs of a depressive episode coming on. His thoughts had been getting more and more destructive over the last week and last night he had shed more than a few tears thinking about how he’ll never be good enough and fail his tests and probably end up alone once Tyler got enough of him. 

As he sat on the cold tiles the thought of his blades in the bottom drawer of the cabinet in front of him crossed his mind, but he couldn’t let Tyler down and fall into old habits.  
Another wave of despair crushed into him full speed when he asked himself what he did to deserve a brain that hated him.  
„Wh-y c-can’t I just live in p-peace?“, whispered Josh to himself between sobs. He felt like he had been torn apart.  
His gaze fell to his arms and the scars they bore. He was angry at himself for not being able to cope better. This only spurred his crying on while he thought about how good it must feel to be able to wear short sleeves when it’s hot out. He’d do anything to get back that privilege.

Twenty minutes at least had to have passed, because Josh’s mom was calling him from downstairs. The boy’s legs shook as he slowly stood up and turned to the mirror to wipe away his tears.  
He picked up the toothbrush and went back to his room to get dressed.  
During breakfast he managed to stay quiet and hold back the tears that wanted to escape his eyes so badly when he realized his brother had everything he didn’t. Jordan got good grades all the time, he and his girlfriend were still going strong and their parents were incredibly proud of him, their perfect son. While his younger brother sat at the table wearing a tank top and baskeball shorts, Josh was sweating his ass off in his hoodie.  
In that moment he despised his brother for seemingly not having any difficulties in life and when he began talking about how he was planning on asking his girlfriend to homecoming, Josh stood up wordlessly and went to school.

He avoided any conversation while he was in school and was successful until lunch. During geometry Brendon had tried to talk to him but after the blue haired boy had pulled his hood up and ignored him, he had given up pretty quickly. Josh kept himself from crying with thoughts of Tyler and the planned Cleveland trip, but after his encounter with Brendon and ignoring Hayley he wasn’t even sure his friends would want him to go with them.

The huge crowd of students in the cafeteria and the amount of noise they were producing hurt Josh’s head. He just wanted to grab his food and get out of there to eat alone in the band room. Just as he had reached the door that led to the hall, a hand grabbed his right bicep in a death grip. The boy nearly dropped his tray. After he had taken a few breaths he turned to see who was stopping him from leaving the cafeteria and was met with Brendon’s face.

„Hey there buddy, wait. What’s with you today?“, his friend asked him, the amused expression on his face making it clear that he hadn’t realized that Josh wasn’t just in a bad mood.

The blue haired boy tried to wriggle his arm out of Brendon’s grip, „Just leave me alone“, he mumbled as he succeeded and speed walked through the doors before Brendon could say anything else.

He hadn’t even made it to the next corner when he heard someone running after him.  
With an eye roll he turned to face Brendon.

„Please, I just want to be alone right now.“

„I’m not gonna leave you like that. I can sense something is up with you. It has to be serious if you just run away without an explanation.“, he stepped closer, „Everything fine with Tyler? I swear if he hurt you...“

„No, no, everything’s fine with Ty. I am just feeling a little down today.“

„You’ve been feeling down a lot over the last few months.“, Brendon let out a heavy sigh, „Look, I completely understand if you don’t wanna talk right now but I know something is wrong and I hope that you know that you can always talk to me.“

Without saying anything else he engulfed Josh in a tight hug and the latter couldn’t stop himself from crying. His friend’s words combined with this gesture of pure love and support tipped him over the edge emotionally.

Brendon reacted to Josh’s sobs simply by pulling him around the corner and into the deserted band room. He sat him down on a piano bench and seated himself across from him on the floor.

As soon as he was able to speak again, Josh did.  
„I’m so tired, B. Tired of everything, tired of fighting against my own brain every day. I know that giving up is not an option, but I wish it was. It’s exhausting to be at war with yourself constantly.“

Brendon nodded to show he was listening, so the boy went on.

„I-, uh, I haven’t really talked about this with anyone but Tyler, but um, I have a lot of days where it already takes so much effort to get out of bed and to school that I have barely any energy left for the day. I feel like crying constantly and numb and overwhelmed by my feelings all at the same time....aaaand when I hear myself say it, it sounds like I’m an absolute freak.“

The other boys thoughts seemed to be racing and suddenly his face turned from concerned to terrified.

„Oh god, Josh, please tell me you aren’t hurting yourself.“, he bit his lip and looked up at the younger boy anxiously.

Blood shot to Josh’s face and tears to his eyes, „N-not anymore“, he croaked before he gathered all of his courage and pulled the hoodie over his head.

The second Brendon’s eyes landed on his scars he went whiter than the walls around them. For a second Josh thought the boy would faint but then he looked up at him with tears in his eyes.

„Y-you know you didn’t have to do that right?“

„What? The cutting or showing you?“, he scoffed, the blue haired boy knew he was being quite blunt but he was tired of keeping everyone at a distance just because he was scared of what they thought of him. Especially his best friends.

„I hope you didn’t feel obligated to show me because that is a very private thing, you know. I would never want you to feel obligated to do anything you don’t feel comfortable with.“

„I wanted to show you. No one else has seen them. Okay, no one else other than Tyler.“, he had to smirk a little at the thought of his boyfriend, even though it seemed quite inappropriate regarding the current topic, „I hate having to worry about people seeing them. I didn’t even know how much I loved T-shirts until I couldn’t wear them anymore.“

„How long since you...uh, sorry“

„A few weeks. I was feeling pretty bad this morning, still am to be honest, but thinking about Tyler and prospect of maybe not having to wear long sleeves for the rest of my existence made me not do it.“, stated Josh bitterly. Even though it was liberating to finally talk to someone about how he was feeling, it still wasn’t his favorite thing to talk about.

„That’s good Josh. I’ proud of you.“, Brendon looked at him with a sad smile before reaching out his hand and grabbing one of Josh’s, „have you thought about getting, y’know, help?“

„It sounds easier than it is, Bren. I would have to tell my parents and probably talk to a doctor and, err...“

„And?“

„AndI’mreallyscaredofgettinghospitalized“, he rushed out. Brendon seemed to have understood though.

„Look, I’m not an expert on this topic but no one will force you to tell them every single detail all at once. You can start at the surface and if you feel comfortable you can dig deeper. If you don’t want to go to a hospital, you won’t have to.“

„Oh god, when did my life get so fucked up“, Josh exclaimed before a small sob escaped him. He buried his face in his hands.

„I don’t think there’s anyting wrong with needing a little help to get through this fucking complicated maze of reality, okay? Think about it and when you make a decision I will help you with whatever you need. Let’s concentrate on getting our butts through the rest of the week and off to Cleveland for now, alright? I just have one request: Call me when you want to...y’know. Any time. Promise?“, the older boy looked up at him with pleading eyes.

„Promise“, Josh replied before pulling Brendon up to sit next to him on the bench, „I love you man.“

„I love you too Joshie boy.“, responded his friend with a slap to Josh’s thigh.

Everything was going to be alright. And Josh really believed it this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this Chapter. Kudos and comments are appreciated as always. <3

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic....I hope you liked it so far!  
> Stay alive frens |-/


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